until death | junhao ✔

4

" Would you like to go out with me sometime? " the girl in front of him looked up at him with hope in her sparkling, lively eyes.

He just coldly looked down at her, his sore eyes trying not to close at the sound of her soft voice. She was pretty of course, and she was totally his type, but his heart belonged to his lost friend. He couldn't just say yes, but his mouth betrayed his mind and heart, as he heard himself agree to it. Maybe because he saw something in her. Something that cached his attention in Jun too.

The girl was clever, pretty, determined and had a strong aura. She never seemed to betray herself and acted kindly even when she didn't want to, because she didn't want to be rude. She was something else too, though. He just couldn't figure out.

He was shocked enough from the question still, since it was not every day that he got approached with such request, much since everything that happened. But he managed to see the bright smile she gave him, and the little note she pushed inside his palm with her number on it.

Maybe it will be good for him to go out, maybe it will take his mind off of the things that make him feel so horrible.

Or not...

He thought, as he sat in the boot of one familiar little retro café. The smell of coffee and different little pastries filled his stuffy nose, while the warm atmosphere and air filled his lungs. But despite the feeling the place gave him, it also made him think of someone he can't see here anymore.

It might have been because of the things he still deals with at home and the loss of the most important person in his life, but he just couldn't enjoy himself on the date.
Sure, the girl was amazing, even his men preferring bisexual self felt himself being attracted to her, but no matter how hard he tried to focus and actually be interested in what she said and get himself together, he couldn't do it.

So when the date ended, he ended up telling the girl to just stay friends if that is okay with her, and fortunately she agreed, and gave him a warm hug before taking off and telling him to be safe on his way home. He reciprocated the actions, it made him smile a little. It was the first honest smile since that Friday afternoon.

That girl deserved better anyway.

The way to his home was peaceful, if he doesn't include his messy headspace in the picture. The weather was a little chilly, as it was still autumn and the jacked he wore still didn't make him warm enough; but maybe it was just his soul that couldn't be warmed up enough.

He felt bad for rejecting the romantic feelings of the girl, but he didn't want to play with her, so he just felt like he should tell her and be fair. He also felt like he just cheated on someone. It was probably really dumb, but he just considered his feelings for Junhui kind of accepted. He knew better than believing himself though, he knew it was just a delusion. His best friend who he had romantic feelings for and was attracted to, wasn't with him anymore. He was no longer there.

He hugged himself as he found himself walking towards the cemetery again.

It was 10 pm already, the sky was dark, but no stars were lightening it up. The wind was softly brushing the leafs of the lonely trees standing near the gates of the new home of dead people.

He walked down between the lined up graves, making his way further down the line, and stopping before one that was placed next to a willow tree.

" Hi, Ge " he greeted him. He would've looked delusional, if it wasn't for the fact that nobody was there. He couldn't get an answer back ever again, so he slowly lowered himself on the ground, wrapping his hand around his knees.

" You know, Ge, I really miss you " he whispered, his glossy eyes fixed on the letters of the only name that mattered so much to him since day one.

He knew that no living person could make him feel like he did. Somehow he was the One for him, and he couldn't do anything about it. But the red string that was connected to his pinky was cut the moment the medicals announced him dead.

Still, no person could make him feel so safe in their arms like Jun did, and no one could make him so happy like he did, no one could make him flustered with only their attention, no one could make him feel that important, no one could make him have a purpose in life like he made, no one could kiss him the way he did, even if it was fake.

And no one will...