The Backstory of Nick O'Sullivan (WIP)

Chapter 4 - Nick closes his eyes and everything starts shaking

(...) As I was trying to sleep and I closed my eyes, I couldn't fall asleep. Everything began to shake and I felt as if I was shivering, not only to burst out crying and screaming as if someone was murdered or stabbed. I am pretty sure my neighbours were also able to hear the scream. I kept on moving around rolling from side to side screaming out in pain as I tried to linger the pain I was in. I still remember up to today how I was screaming out in pain as it felt like I was about to die. I could hear faint sirens in the background, but it seemed like it wasn't just one siren, it sounded like multiple ones. They came closer and closer, I tried to focus on the sirens to regain my mind but instead I ended up crying and screaming. As soon as I know I heard people banging on the door as if someone was trying to forcefully open it and getting access almost as if someone was trying to see if I was ok. I felt so weak and unable to move at all that all I could do was yell that I was scared of the loud sounds. 

I could see of the corner of my eye my door being kicked in and people running towards the room I was in. It wasn't one person alone it was 6 Police Officers and 2 Paramedics rush towards me. I could feel an arm being placed under my head and held up while someone was saying: "Look at me, keep your eyes on me. It's gonna be ok." 
I wished I could answer but I was unable to move. I felt so heavy as if my body was paralyzed by the stinging pain in my heart. I felt useless, the only thing I could do was cry and cry. I remember I tried to speak but all I could say was "I-It hurts s-so bad. I-I don't w-want to d-die."
They looked at me with a concerned look and asked what was exactly going on and why I felt like I was dying. I was going to answer but all I could do was scream out in pain yet again. As I was yelling in fear and breathing heavily I could feel someone holding me tight, as if they made sure I felt more safe so I was able to calm down more. I looked at them with tears in my eyes and just cried as I slowly tried to regain the ability to move again. It took around 3-5 minutes till I was able to move again. All I could do was cry as I was hiding my face in once of the officers shirt. I could feel a hand on the back of my head as if he was pulling me close, as he whispered:
"Shh. It's ok, you're ok. Nothing will happen to you. We're here to help you."
I couldn't hold back my tears and I just cried out in pain saying:
"Why do I have to go through so much pain, only because I wasn't able to save someone."
I didn't hear a reply from anyone. I looked down at my hand and I realized I was hooked up to an IV whilst having multiple people around me comforting me.

═══════After trying to calm down═══════

I tried to stay more calm and explained what happened. That today on my second shift we were supposed to protect a shop owner from it being robbed, but it ended up in a shootout and the people who were inside got killed. I told them that I never felt so much pain before in my life and every little situation or action I do which is closer to what I did at work that day makes me lose my mind. I wasn't sure what was going on at all. I remember times when I was asked by another officer:
"What happened with your hands and arms? Are you alright? Doesn't it hurt?"
I wasn't sure what was going on so I looked and answered:
"I-I actually don't know. I don't remember doing anything. All I know was is that I punched my mirror before and glass is still lying on the floor in the bathroom."
As the other officers looked around the house, they were able to find pieces of glass in the bathroom with blood on them. Once they came back they took a close look at me as they were looking at me examining the rest of my body to make sure nothing was wrong or anything else or worse injuries were on my body. 

═══════After 30 minutes and all injuries were bandaged up═══════

The paramedics and officers looked at me and left me their numbers on my phone, so that if anything was ever to happen again, or if I just needed someone to talk to I could easily just message them or give them a call and they would take the time to make sure I was ok, even if they're on duty. I felt scared as I don't like to ask for help and even now I still don't like to ask for help at all. But I gratefully and quietly said:
"Thank you for helping me. Sorry for taking your time whilst you could be helping someone else."
One paramedic kneeled down next to me and looked me in the eyes saying:
"Look, it might be difficult especially if you're not used to be being helped or asking for help from other people, it's not wrong. But you shouldn't worry about anything, you didn't take away our time. In fact, that's why we chose this job. To help people who need it and be there for them."
With a smile on his face he got up and told the other people that everything seemed to be back to normal and there shouldn't be anything else to do. Of course then there's me thinking to myself that this shouldn't have happened in the first place and I kept on blaming myself for someting that I didn't do.

I tried to lay back down on my bed and fall asleep, but the flashbacks from that day still haunted me back them. I remembered every single detail and even their scream when they died. I rolled over to the other side of the bed and the tears rolled down my face again. I closed my eyes while still feeling the tears how the were flowing down to my neck. I could see darkness and all of a sudden a light. I was dreaming, but I couldn't tell whether the dream was a dream or if it was reality. I could see a bridge over the water and how I was just sitting there looking up at the sunset whilst crying. I felt so safe in the dream, I wished it was reality but since we all know that dreams are only a simulation it was no use to make it reality. Unless (...)