The Backstory of Nick O'Sullivan (WIP)

Chapter 5 - Is this the end?

(...) Unless I made that dream become reality. Should I really do this? Is it worth it? Is it gonna make me feel better? There were so many questions I wanted to ask myself but I just ignored it, and closed my eyes and fell asleep.

═══════When he woke up═══════

When I woke up in the morning, I felt as if I wanted to go to the bridge and just sit on the edge and enjoy the sunset. I took my keys from the wall were I usually put them and got into my  2018 Charger and drove to the bridge on Great Ocean Highway and just sat on the edge looking up to the sky and crying. I looked down and the water was sparkling as if it was telling me to jump down. I was debating whether I should stand up and look dawn and spread my arms out. In the end I got up and speak my arms out. I felt so free as if nothing was wrong. I cried my eyes out on the edge wishing to just end it all. I was so close to jumping to end this pain I was in. Is this the end? Will it be over? Is it worth it?

I lifted a foot and moved it forward until I heard a familiar voice from behind me. It was Artemis yelling and telling me to not do it. I looked at him with tears in my eyes. I didn't feel like moving and I cried out in pain. He ran towards me and grabbed me before I ended up falling down the bridge as I was unable to move. He dragged me off the bridge and placed me in his arms holding my tight while lifting my head up. He held my hand close as he could feel blood on my hand and wrists.
"What's this Nick? What did you do?"
He sounded so worried, I could hear the pain in his voice as I answered.
"I had to do it. I just want to make sure I am still human and alive. I had no other choice than yo cut."
"It's not worth it Nick. It's not worth it. Think about it. You could end up in such a bad place, the hospital, lose your job and lose the people you love. I love you Nick so please don't cut."
I couldn't hold back my tears and I cried as I clinged on tight apologizing whilst I could feel the blood flow down my wrists onto my hand and finger. He looked at my cuts and applied pressure to stop the bleeding and yelled out in pain:
"Somebody call an ambulance."
I don't remember how deep the cuts were, but they left nasty scars on my body. There's a reason why I have tattoo's over them now.

I was in the back of the ambulance as I kept on drifting out of consciousness and I only heard people very faintly say:
"Stay with me. Don't go to sleep. Keep you eyes open. Stay with me."
I tried my hardest, but it was no use in the end. I was weak I could barely keep my eyes open. My vision was blurry and I could barely see anything. Everything sounded distorted and underwater as if I was drowning. I don't remember what happened but when I woke up fully, I was laying down in a hospital bed with Artemis holding my hand. I could hear a beeping sound, as if I was attached to machines. I saw an IV, and everything was white. I was in a white room, I got so confused and scared I tried to talk but I wasn't able too. I was traumatized and paralyzed from what had happened. I looked at my hands and wrists and they had bandages on them, I could still see very faint blood marks on them as if the cuts were bleeding through you see. I tried to grab my arm with my other hand as it was in pain and stinging a lot. But it was no use, my other hand was restrained and so were my legs. I asked why I was restrained, and turns out I was trying to hurt myself without knowing. I had lost consciousness and my body was acting on it's own. It still haunts me up to today what exactly happened.

I tried to focus on Artemis and the nurses but that was no use. I felt as if I was locked in this place, with no where to go or no where to run. I felt like an animal locked inside a building being held hostage. I felt tears in my eyes as I tried to not make it obvious, but when I blinked the tears rolled down the side if my face and I began to feel hopeless again. I looked at Artemis and said:
"If I were to ever die because I can't take it anymore. Just forget me. I am not supposed to be held onto. I am nothing and no one important."
After I said that I went back and closed my eyes wishing and hoping that I would feel normal and alright again.

After a while I opened my eyes again only to realize I was back home, and no one was there. I slowly got up and looked around. It was just me, as usual. I walked around and went to the kitchen only to see the knife with which I inflicted the self made pain in my hands. I grabbed the knife and tried to ignore the thought that came to my mind which wanted me to cut myself. I just turned on the tap and washed the knife and placed it back into the drawer. I went back to my bed and layed down hiding my face under a pillow crying.

I couldn't get it out of my head what all happened in the past and the day before ever since I started this job. Not only on my second day people who we were suppossed to protect died, then the situation with the bridge came into the story too, then when I tried to just drive I crashed my car. I still don't know what else all happened, I just hoped it would stop. Now there is a reason why I have tattoos covering up the scars.