it's 4:32 and i want to be disappear. the music is on at full blast, but i can no longer stand the pain. i know i'm insane for thinking about suicide but i want to die so badly. i cant live like this, where every second of every minute of every day, i'm falling apart. i look in the mirror and i smile only to see the mascara roll further down my face and i cant do it. the tears just keep rolling down and the blood is on the floor and i can't stand this burning pain in my heart, pain in my chest, pain on my body. it hurts in my head and my heart. it hurts in my chest and i can't breathe anymore and i don't want to. I tried to be numb, but i can't do that. no matter how much alcohol i drink i can still feel your arms wrapped around me and it hurts because i know you'll never be there again. all i can taste is the bitter alcohol when all i want is the taste of you. i'm trying to stop thinking, but my mind keeps racing with the thought of you. you're all i want and all that i need. my chest hurts because my heart keeps breaking and i can't stop replaying the moment when you told me you were done. when you said you couldn't handle me and you said you were done. i no longer want to be living and this is all too much. no one's going to notice if i leave, who the fuck would care? i don't know who really would. i don't need to be here. i don't want to be here. i guess if i'm gone maybe one person might possibly be sad, i, i don't know. it just doesn't make sense okay?! maybe if i wasn't such a broken person, maybe I'd be right there laying next to him, cuddling him and smelling his expensive cologne that he buys just for me. it just makes me want to go away even more.
