Depression

Seven

Recap:

'Natsu is cute, I must admit, but he's my friend, my rival, he just makes me feel different because he's a close friend, nothing more, stop thinking like this.' He thought.

"Gray." He heard a voice whisper. "You okay?" Gray said and looked at Natsu. "I need to tell, well, show you something." He replied. "Okay." Gray said and watched Natsu get up. He went into the bathroom and came back out holding something. He couldn't see what it was as he was hiding it in his fist. He walked to Gray and put whatever he was holding on the bed. Blades.

End of Recap

TW: Panic Attack, mention of Blades

"Natsu?" Gray said in worry. "I trust you enough to tell you this, please don't break my trust, I use these blades to cut myself with, please don't be mad or judge me." Natsu said. Gray was shocked. Natsu trusted him enough? At least he didn't have to pretend he didn't know anymore.

"Does anyone else know?" He asked and Natsu shook his head. "Okay, it would be better if you told someone else as well because I can't always be here for you but I'll try to do my best, I care about you a lot Natsu and I don't want you to be in any pain, emotionally or physically." Gray said. He was trying to be careful with his words as he really didn't want to upset Natsu or break his trust.

"Do you want to explain how you feel or why you do this?" Gray asked and Natsu sat down. He picked the blades up and put them in his hoodie pockets and sighed.

"I just feel like I shouldn't be here ya know, it's like I don't deserve to live and I'm just a burden. No one likes me and I don't even know why I'm still here at this point. No one cares about me Gray. I feel worthless and this is my way of coping, I deserve this." Natsu explained.

"Natsu, you don't deserve this at all, you are a really kind person and really selfless, you always make sure everyone else is okay and you definitely are not a burden. Everyone likes you, how could they not? You are such a nice person and you stay strong for others. Remember how you always say 'You should live for your friends.' Well, that's why you're living right now, if you're not living for them, then live for me. I don't want you to die. You've saved my life so many times and I want to help save yours so please stay here, for me?" Gray said.

"I-I." Natsu didn't know what to say, no one has ever said that to him before. He could feel himself tearing up and the minute the tears came out he wiped them away.

"It's okay to cry Natsu." Gray said and Natsu shook his head. "I-I don't want to cry i-infront of y-you, i-it makes me weak." Natsu replied. "Natsu, you are not weak, you are the strongest person I know." Gray said and suddenly Natsu burst into tears. Gray immediately hugged him and held him close as the Dragon Slayer cried into his chest.

"I can't cope Gray, I can't, I-I want to die, i-i have nothing t-to live for." He cried. "It's okay, things will get better, I promise." Gray reassured. "But they won't, I have no hope anymore, you know how long I've felt like this?" Natsu stopped to wipe his tears away and continued.

"It's been years Gray, years, there's no hope, I'm a burden, you shouldn't even be trying to help me right now, I'm useless." He said. "After all I've said you call yourself useless?" Gray asked. The Dragon Slayer went silent. He didn't know what to say. He looked at his hands and noticed how badly he was shaking.

"I-I-I." He was struggling to speak and looked at Gray for reassurance.

"Are you okay Natsu?" He asked in a concerned voice. "P-Panic Att...ack, I t-think." Natsu replied, suddenly not being able to breathe. "Just listen to my voice, I really think you should get this checked out but we can talk about that when you've calmed down or another time, just focus on something in the room, try to think of what it looks like and what it would feel like of you touched it." Gray said. Natsu nodded his head and remembered about the blades in his pockets. He took one out and put it on his arm but was stopped immediately, probably by Gray.

"That is the complete opposite of what I just said." Gray said, worry in his voice. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't call Erza and break Natsu's trust. He couldn't really call Happy or Lucy either. He had to help Natsu on his own.

"Just breathe Natsu." Gray said. Natsu looked like he was trying to control his breathing and it seemed to be working.

After a few minutes, Natsu was back to breathing normally. Gray didn't know what to do so he gave the guy a hug but what he didn't expect was for him to burst into tears.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Gray said. "It's not!!" Natsu cried. "Don't even try telling me it's okay when it's clearly not." He said. "You know for a fact it's not okay, I'm not okay." He continued.

Gray didn't know what to say, he hadn't really expected Natsu's outburst.

"I just want to be better. I want to be that happy guy I used to be, not someone who fakes their happiness just for other people. And you know what hurts the most? The fact that one day they are all going to know about this secret I am hiding from them and their hearts are going to break. Do they really want to see their friend like this? Could I even be considered a friend, knowing how much I lie to their faces? They deserve better, all of them, including you."

"I love you." Gray mumbled. "W-What?" "I said, I love you." Gray said a lot louder. "You mean everything to me and I don't deserve better, I only want you because you're you and no one can change that. And you haven't been lying to everyone's faces, you're just not ready to tell them what's really been going on and that's okay, you just need to take your time and that is perfectly okay." Gray replied and then something Gray didn't expect happened. Natsu kissed Gray on the lips...