SKINNY | ATEEZ WOOYOUNG

fourteen

a doctor came into the eerie room. clad in blue medical scrubs, and clipboard in hand, he approached the almost-dead boy laying on his bed before him.

he lowered his eyes down to the piece of paper with the young man's details on it and read out, "jung wooyoung: attempted pill overdose suicide. am i corret?" with a pitiful gaze that made wooyoung's skin crawl.

he went to open his parched mouth, but suddenly realised his manager, members, family and some staff members were in the same room.

he was torn.

do i tell the truth? get help?

or, do i keep it to myself?

then, that voice spoke to him. you're worthless wooyoung. couldn't even kill yourself. i don't need you anymore anyways, you useless piece of shit. if the only person who understood you and helped you to lose weight will give up on you, then you have no hope whatsoever.

wooyoung let out a gasp — yet it sounded more like a painful wheeze. it felt like there was a hand clenching his lungs and not letting go. suffocating him, and waiting for him to collapse.

and he was so close. so, so close to giving up. giving in to that voice inside his head.

but he opened his eyes and looked to his right and saw his best friend; san. looking down at his intertwined hands, eyes shut, whispering "please, please" to himself.

and that's when wooyoung realised it.

that there were people out there who loved him, who cared for him, and wanted him to be happy. if he took that all away from himself, he'd impact so many other people's lives negatively and that was the last thing he wanted.

to be a burden.

and so, he lifted his head once again. and opened his mouth with a loud exhale and smiled his big, wide smile and said, "yes. it's true."

with that short statement sobs erupted throughout the small hospital room.

from his manager going over to hug him and tell him "you stupid kid, don't let it get this far next time."

to his members crying out variations of "you big dummy!" and "i love you woo!"

to the hospital staff telling him "it'll get better. keep trying."

wooyoung truly felt like he was surrounded by people who cared about him.

once everyone had composed themselves once again, the doctor who performed a physical examination on his body announced the news.

"wooyoung, you are aware you suffer from a combination of both anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, correct?" wooyoung merely nodded, feeling ashamed.

"that is nothing to be ashamed of young man, we're here to help. moving on, we performed the mental health assessment yesterday if you recall, and it is to out dismay that we can confirm you have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression and psychosis. psychosis a mental illness in which you experience a variation of hearing voices and seeing things that aren't exactly there. such as the voice in your head that you explained to us, that told you to take your own life." the doctor then concluded his statement.

wooyoung simply sighed and nodded, acknowledging what was wrong with himself even if he didn't want to admit it. and so he finally spoke with conviction and declared, "tell the public. about my eating disorder, the voices in my head and my, my... attempt. they have to know. i can't lie to them about this."

and his mind was made up.

he was going to get help, and he was going to go public about it. to hopefully save other people who could end up like him, before the fact.

n/a:
yo. i updated again??? wtf ??? anyways two or three more chappies n we're done. i was gonna make the angst lengthier but i couldn't. it makes me too sad :((

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