Critiques - WattPad Reviews by David McIntosh

The Goddess Test by Stephelzz123

The Goddess Test by Stephelzz123

Hey, Stephanie. The first thing I want to say about The Goddess Test is, amazing idea for a story! I understand it’s not *completely* original, but it looks to me like you’re taking a different approach than the Aimee Carter version, with ten girls competing against each other rather than one at a time over the centuries. That should make for a very different take on the subject.

The second thing I want to say is, I’m not sure I can help you very much! Your writing is excellent. You don’t have any problems with third person that I can see (in spite of what you say). Your conversations seem natural, and are nicely interspersed with description of the characters, action and scene, making for very enjoyable reading. I love the details you offer, like the click of her boots in the dark and how it annoys her!

So, what I will offer you is some ideas on what I would do differently. Not better, just different!

The first chapter is great. I like the idea of Hades in an office, with a mahogany desk and looking through file folders. I would have expanded on the description though. Make it a huge office, almost like an apartment with different levels, a bar, various gods and goddesses lounging about on couches. Maybe Ares and Hermes are playing video games at the side, ignoring everyone else.

I’m not sure why you are using pseudonyms for the gods and goddesses. I would use their Greek names, and let their original personalities guide the characters. Is Ivy really Aphrodite, goddess of love, trying to find the perfect match? Or is she Athena, goddess of intelligence and battle strategy, possibly leading Hades (or Alice) into a trap? I don’t think people are familiar enough with the gods any more to make a big reveal at the end very interesting, but it would be fun, and maybe informative, to let your readers in on who they are and what they represent as they act out their roles.

In the second chapter you introduce Alice, an impulsive teenage girl in trouble at school, with a quirky family. I must admit, I was a little disappointed to find out Alice was a teenager. I guess it’s not surprising that teenage girls want to write about teenage girls, but what would you think about making her more mature?

The general rule for character romances is to take the older character’s age, divide by two and add seven. Assuming Hades is about 3000, this means Alice should be at least 1507 years old. Ok, so maybe that’s a little extreme. But if Hades looks 36, maybe Alice could be 25? This could increase your potential readership.

This of course changes the whole story. Instead of problems with teachers, principals, homework assignments, and curfews, she has to deal with a job, shift work, bills, high heels, the crazy old matchmaker in the next apartment, and the lazy super who still hasn’t fixed the leak in her shower! And instead of having to deal with her parents when she brings a stray dog home, she has to deal with herself. “What was I thinking? What am I supposed to do with you? And what am I supposed to feed you? (Searches fridge) I’m a vegan, for crying out loud!”

Overall, an excellent start on a story with great potential!