Actual date of entry: September 5th, 2021
I am in love💞, I am in love with a PSG Player💏..... I know it has been a while but I have been feeling so sad.... So, so sad, not depressed but sad
Recently, I found that I am a hypocrite.... I was so obsessed with Korean movies at one point in my life but over the years, my love for it dwindles because I believe their version of happy ending is overrated
....and when I mean happy ending, I mean two lover who maybe saw stars in each other's eyes the first time they met or maybe were even shooting daggers through their eyes and ended falling in love
97% of Korean movies gives happy ending which I believe is a misinterpretation of what the world is. The world is messed up, people don't always get happy endings but Korean movies will always give you a happy ending and that pisses me off
So recently, I read a book here on Wattpad, Building Bridges by Prince Kenzie. The protagonist, Silas Delaney, as boy had mental issues. He was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and the psychiatrist who was supposed to help him raped him and that made him develop Multiple personality disorder (MPD).
MPD is a serious mental illness developed by people who have painful memories mostly during their childhood days which they want to forget and in forgetting them or trying to cope through the trauma, some develop MPD which involve have different personality with different behaviour. In this case, Silas wanted to forget the rape
He was a very nice, lovely guy who won't hurt an ant but he developed a violent personality who wanted to hurt people and he did. He killed a lot of people and even hurt Silas's brother, Sullivan for years
But luckily for Silas, he met a guy who loved him for him and was ready to fight for him but Silas died fighting his demons and he lost the battle. I didn't know when tears gushed down my eyes and I started sobbing. I had to leave my apartment because I didn't want Sugar to know that I was crying because of a story.
I went outside and bawled my eyes out in sadness for hours. Anytime I think about Silas, tears always find its way down my eyes. I felt so sad for him, I felt so sad for his lover, Derek, who killed himself two years after Silas demise when he couldn't live without him anymore.... I wanted a happy ending for them but was denied.
Let me leave the fictional world and come down to my world.... After I read Building Bridges, I couldn't help but appreciate having Baba B and Mama B in my life, having my sisters with me is incredible.
I might not having a good father-daughter relationship with Baba B but he is my father and I know he loves me in his own way. He will always protect me, always keeping his eyes on me, even though sometimes, I feel it is over the top. Mama B is the best, always asking what is wrong with me when I have the slightest mood change
Silas's parent were negligent, he showed attributes of a child been molested but this parent ignored it. They thought he was just acting out.... If Silas had a quarter of what I have, he won't be died
I wanted a happy ending for Silas and Derek so bad, that I started questioning what I believe in... In a way, I am my parent's happily ever after.... in their last days, when they look back at me and my sisters, they can say they have a happy ending
I believe l only want happy ending when it suits me.... After all I want one with my love and that is very selfish of me
So I am going work on myself, reconfigure my thinking but I don't think I will ever support a human and a robot in love. Seriously what kind of love is that? The writer ofAbsolute boyfriend is just obsessed with happy endings and that is the way I see it
But seriously, I need to work on myself and I will... I know you are going to say that I am always working on myself but then, humans need to keep working on themselves to grow
F.Y.I, MPD is curable. In Tell me your dreams by Sidney Sheldon, the protagonist was cured. The Korean dramas, Hyde, Jekyll, me and Kill me, heal me, the protagonists were also cured.... Sure, it takes time and it is stressful for the patient but with therapy, hypnosis and the willingness of the patient to be cured, there is a cure down the door
I believe Silas was not cured because the writer wanted him died but sadly, Schizophrenia has no cure but can be managed with medication
I can't believe I spent this episode ranting about a story that did not end the way I want it to..... I dedicate this episode to everyone out there fighting a mental illness. I won't say I can imagine how you feel or what you are going through because I don't, but I know your struggle and I am going to ask you to keep fighting because at the end of the road, there is happiness for you
I want to use this opportunity to welcome Lionel Messi and Sergio Ramos to PSG.... Though I don't know if your presence will be good for my love
But still, you are welcome👏💃💥
I am in love💞, I am in love with a PSG Player💏 and this is me just thinking out loud
Blackie
👩💋👩
