Until the Stars Fade Away [MxM - SaifahZon] [COMPLETED]

Night 9

THE MOTED DUSTLIGHT SEEPED INTO THE ROOM brimming with silence and sorrow, the chinks in the blinds inviting it to shimmer like stardust of hope. Idle were Saifah's attempts to capture some of it though, his fingers flickering through the light-shafts as if playing an instrument. Hand stretched, he laid on his bed while the golden sunbeam remained as elusive as his thoughts, which lived no longer than the beat of his bleeding heart. He did not try to catch that other reflection, not this time at least. He actually preferred the way they floated, vague and undefined. There was no need to let any of those grim visions weigh on him more than they already did, although in the end, dodging them the entire day only infused his body with hollow numbness.

"Listen,"—Day popped his head in the door, his voice reaching through the density of Saifah's mood,—"I don't wanna throw you out of the house, but d'you have any intention of socializing ever again?"

With a soft puff, Saifah put his hand down. "Doubt it," he said, the pleasant pricking of the sun still palpable on his skin. He hoped that if he didn't glance over, his friend would disappear.

He was wrong.

"It's been three weeks, man." Day leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed. "You can't avoid Zon forever."

"I'm not avoiding him."

"Then when was the last time you two talked, eh?"

Silence. Saifah gritted his teeth, despite the answer being, 'not that long ago'. It was hard to call that one time he used work as an excuse not to meet, a proper conversation. Especially since it wasn't close to the truth.

"Zon aside," continued Day, "you barely leave home these days. I'm worried, man. You'd better go out with someone, distract yourself from all that mess." A gentle smile tugged at his lips as he added, "He isn't your only friend, you know?"

Saifah rubbed his face, a heavy sigh coming out of his mouth. "A-ha, so when do you want to bring Hwa home?"

"This Friday." If Day felt any shame for being seen right through, he hid it well. "It's her birthday, and—"

"Alright." Saifah clicked his tongue, putting a pillow over his head. "I won't be home."

"Cool, thanks." Not even pretending it was about something else, Day left the room, oblivious to Saifah's inward groan.

But despite his intentions, he was right—Saifah couldn't immure himself in his bedroom forever, no matter how cosy that cocoon of abeyance was. He wasn't even sure why he did it to himself. It was not like those three weeks of avoiding Zon had changed a thing. Neither did they make anything better, nor did they bring any possibility of an outcome that he hadn't thought of already.

And—as he knew perfectly well—without talking to Zon, their relationship was like Schrödinger's cat; yet not dead, but also not thriving. Not that it would've or could've ever thrived; he wasn't a fool.

Plus, he did not ca—

Saifah frowned, pursing his lips.

He did not—

He huffed, irritated. Ugh, he couldn't lie about it even to himself! Of course, he cared; that was the whole issue. He cared about Zon way too much, in a way that he was not supposed to, and now, after the break he had forced onto himself to avoid his own decision, the certainty of those feelings had become only stronger.

As if he wasn't doomed already.

The kettle bubbled in the kitchen, snapping him out of his thoughts. Day prepared himself a coffee and a meal before his night shift, and that made Saifah crave instant noodles too—anything to drown out those voices in his head, as he texted Zon to ask if he was free on Friday.