Uncertain Feelings, Jinjoo

Chapter 37

Minju's POV

I ran. I ran and I ran all the way home, unsure what the fuck just happened. Why did she suddenly break up with me? Doesn't she love me anymore? This is not making any sense. Is this all that we are? After what we went through? Am I really not good enough for her? She was all fine just mere seconds ago and in a split second...we're done.

What went wrong? Am I not good enough for her that she doesn't want to try? Why is she not trying? She made me promise that I'll never leave her when she's the one who's letting go of me. What is going on? Why didn't she tell me she was leaving? After all that we've been through...is this really the end of us? I'm not believing this bullshit. It doesn't make any fucking sense to me.

I ran home and opened the door, closing it behind me as I collapsed onto the floor with my back facing the door. I can't breathe. The feelings are overwhelming me. I feel like I'm suffocating. Someone help me.

Just then I felt someone's arms wrapping around my shoulders while I trembled nonstop. Everything feels like it's crashing, not functioning properly. I can't even think straight. Why? Why is this happening? It feels like someone is holding onto the bottom of my heart, ripping it directly out of my chest, and throwing it into a black hole.

"Shh...what's wrong?"

It's Hyewon eonnie. I immediately hugged her back while wailing onto her shoulders. She slowly caresses my back while just comforting me. The cries wouldn't stop, it fucking hurts. She loves me...she loves me...but why is she leaving me? Why did she not answer me when I asked her? Why is she trying to break off all of a sudden? Why did I run? I ran because I'm afraid. If I ask any more questions, it might hurt me even more. At this point, I don't know what's going on in my head anymore.

"Minju-ah, come. Let's get you some water." Hyewon eonnie said while lifting me up and bringing me into the kitchen. Looks like my parents aren't back yet.

She handed me a cup of water while my hands trembled, causing the cup to be unstable. She held onto my hand while looking at me. I can't seem to lift my head up. The tears won't stop flowing and I don't think it's going to stop anytime soon.

"What's wrong?" She asked while sitting in front of me.

"S-She...we b-broke up..."

I broke down hard one more time as I put the cup on the countertop. My head is throbbing as if there were something constantly punching my brains out. I'm shivering. I could feel cold sweat just trickling down my forehead. I held onto my head while hyperventilating. How could she do this to me? How? This is nothing like the loving and caring Yujin I know. She wouldn't just leave me suddenly just because she needs to go overseas to study. But why didn't she tell me earlier? Why now when she's going to leave tomorrow? Why did she cry? I swear I saw her tearing up. If she's in pain, then why is she letting me go?

Yujin-ah. What are you doing?

Hyewon eonnie just kept quiet and didn't say a word but just comforted me while I cried everything out. Was this why she asked me where I wanted to go with her? Because she knew she was going to leave? I still don't get why she's leaving me after what we have become. I thought we were fine. I thought...I thought we were meant for each other and that we'll be able to survive long distance but she's not even trying. How could she do this?

If she's not trying, I will.

"Eonnie...can you ask what t-time is h-her flight t-tomorrow?" I finally lifted my head, still finding it hard to breathe while she looked at me and nodded.

Yes. I'm going to try and talk to her. I'm going to do anything to get her back. This completely doesn't make sense. She can't let me go just like that. There's no way in fucking hell I'm letting her go like this. I still need to try.

--

Yujin's POV

After shouting nonstop, crying all my tears out, I called Wonyoung and told her everything. She's at my house now and I asked her to call the driver to fetch me.

She arrived in no time and I got into the car while controlling my emotions.

"Where did she go?"

"Hyewon eonnie told me she went home. We're done here." I said in a rather cold tone while she kept quiet.

The more I thought about everything that just happened, the scene of Minju crying breaks me, and I couldn't help but let my tears roll down my cheeks again as I collapsed onto Wonyoung's lap. She got startled but stroked my hair in an attempt to comfort me. She didn't ask anything and just let me cry my eyes out. I covered my eyes and just tried to control my breathing before I faint from the lack of oxygen.

Soon after, we reached home and were greeted by my dad.

"Have you done it?" I didn't bother looking at him while Wonyoung nodded before bringing me into my room.

She settled me on the bed while taking out some clothes.

"Yujin, you have to change first."

Deja vu.

"No," I said and covered myself with the blanket. Wonyoung can never be Minju.

She lifted the blanket and just pulled me to sit up.

"I know it's hard, but you at least need to shower. It'll help you calm down."

"Don't fucking touch me," I said while facing away from her. 

I curled up into a ball and continued sobbing. I don't know when my tears are going to dry up, but I'm just going to let it flow. I can't stop it anyway. I'm hurting so badly. This is the worst pain anyone can feel. Ending something with your own hands when everything is actually going well. No one is at fault but I have no other choices.

If I'm feeling this amount of pain, I'm sure Minju is taking it a thousand times worse and I'm just blaming myself for everything. The guilt is consuming my whole being when my mind keeps on imagining the image of her just crying. This fucking hurts...I'm sorry my love...forgive the one who loves you the most...

Wonyoung went out of my room and I'm just left here, all alone again. Back to square one.

I have no one.