Every Last Minute (GXG)

Chapter Sixteen - Make or Break

Annika's POV

Never before had I noticed how time is so much like water; that it can pass slowly, a drop at a time, even freeze, or rush by in a blink.

I just found the love of my life over a year ago and I truly feel my life with Belle is only just beginning but now she's dying?

How can I make peace with my wife dying anytime soon? How can I stay strong about it? I can't help but ask, 'Why my wife?' 'Why not someone else?' 'Why does it have to be the one I love the most?'

Just last night we had a hearty discussion. We were planning to take a long holiday this coming spring. We've been shopping last week buying loads of clothes for the year ahead, so sure we'd be just fine.

Emotions come to my mind like the waves meeting the land. I stand here feeling utterly hopeless in the waiting room in the company of the many other waiting patients, their family members & guardians.

Here I am agonizing, and thinking of how my wife was doing - I feel like being eternally lost in the Bermuda Triangle of might, should, and could.

The clock says it is measured and constant, tick-tock, part of an orderly world; the clock lies before me, the longest 60 minutes of my life.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

"Mrs. Valentine?" Alas, I've been called out.

I immediately got up, and answered, "Yes? That's me. Doctor, how's my wife fairing?"

"Hi Ma'am, I'm Doctor Esme Young. Your wife is finally out of danger. You also happen to save your wife's life, Mrs. Valentine. She was out for about 30 minutes or so before you found her. And a minute longer to an hour would have caused serious brain damage, and even an irreversible one."

I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge the praise, so I just nodded. I know didn't do much. I'm being eaten up by guilt knowing that I should have been there with Belle in the first place. "Where - where's my wife at?" I eagerly asked.

"She's at room 502. But before anything else, when you get there - please stay calm as possible, ma'am. Your wife may look a little sick and weaker than usual but she's conscious, coherent, and responsive. I'll be back in an hour to check her progress. I'm also contacting your wife's oncologist, Dr. Hasi."

"Thank you, Dr," I said as we parted. Every few seconds, I pass a different set of doors with a hand sanitiser dispenser: to psychiatry, to geriatrics, to maternity. I bypass them all heading for oncology because that's where my wife is.

——
Isobel's POV

Knock. Knock. With my eyes set on the polystyrene tiles above, I hear the door open and come in my wife. I feel my chest tighten into a knot like a cramp and a quiet rage builds inside.

"Belle, are you awake?" She gently whispered.

I raised my voice a little and weakly called for my wife. "Annika..." and carefully, my lover rests her hand on mine feeling the coldness of my fingers.

Trying so hard to hold my tears back, I pull away and turn towards the wall. But my wife wouldn't just let it happen. As cautious as possible, Annika reached back for mine, her hands slightly trembling.

"Honey, I'm so relieved also afraid that I would lose you." Annika's voice caresses my ear, grazing against my cheeks as she lowers herself further.

Yet it felt like I was tho. I've been postponing my sessions for almost 6 months now. But there's no way she'll know unless I tell her. And this might be a chance to do so.

"Did they tell you what's wrong with me?" I asked my wife and it came out as a cracking voice.

"They didn't. Y- your diary did." Annika's lips trembled and I turned to see my wife's face with eyes wide open, genuinely surprised.

But what I see in her eyes is only the one who loves deeply. If it were anyone else I would drop my gaze, but with her I'm drawn in closer, always wanting more.

Then Annika said the words I needed to hear, "And I don't care, Belle. I will always love you and stand by your side so please always stay by mine." I try to take in every moment for my memory, knowing it is the only medication I need to survive the next few days.

"So are we okay, you and me?" I asked and she nodded. At first, my wife is stiff but when she melts into my body, her arms limp, dangling like a doll.

Without being aware of it my left hand rises to stroke Annika's back. Then she begins to cry softly, wetting my gown. "I have so many hopes, plans & dreams for the both of us. Our kids are being born, waiting for retirement at age 50, and travelling. I'm not as foolish as to say, but I'll only be hopeful, Belle. I know that you can make it. We will get treatment, though long it may continue. You will survive, and I will be with you with every step you take. Though you are sick at this moment, there are good moments ahead, trust me in that and stay with me." My wife cried at the news so much I began to find excuses not to watch her break.

As her tears spill over, I gently wipe them. My lover made a promise that's making everything worthwhile.

Otherwise, I think I will have to take my leave and pass on just like in the past. But Annika gave me reasons to stay, reasons to fight, and forgive her if she chooses to leave.

A cry from the heart and soul built from love and nurture that can heal me with just words and loving eyes? Maybe.

"So what do we do now, Belle?" she asked.

"I might need to move to Lebanon. There's a promising step 3 trial being conducted there for lymphoma patients."

"No." Annika firmly replied and I was taken aback.

"Excuse me?" I questioned.

"You will not move to Lebanon alone. Who am I to you, Nicholson?"

I whispered back, "My wife."

At that moment, Annika leaned in and grazed her lips with mine. And in the kiss, we pour our pure and vulnerable selves. A promise that tells me, everything is gonna be alright.

"And don't you ever forget that, Isobel. You have me now honey. We will both go to Lebanon. So don't worry about anything else. I'll let Connor handle my business side and you I suppose, Kathleen?"

"Thank you, my love."

"Anything for you. I promise Belle, you will never be alone ever again." Finally, the pieces of my heart that had been struggling to fit into this world became so quiet when cuddling with Annika; it was as if they had found peace as if they needed her glue to bridge their gaps and connect. Annika completes me.