𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

The earth was soft in her palms, loose as she pounded away, her fingers aching amidst the clumps and mud. The tears fell one by one off her cheeks, disturbed in their everlasting feast. Fresh in Veronica's mind, an open wound she leaves exposed, to bleed, to breath, to eat her alive. Grief, as expected was careless in its execution. Impatient, always in such a hurry. Even with this. Handful by handful, muddied, the morning dew undisturbed even as the afternoon sun came. Smelling faintly of a sweet memory, that of the first time they kissed. The raindrops coming between them. Pulling away with a laugh, in awe, at how his beauty compared to that of a rainy day. Her shoes sinking deep, her hands clutching his arms as he pulls her from the muck, letting the slightest hint of a smile slip. The noise of that day, the plops from the pond, the quiet, yet powerful, taps of the leaves, the shudder of branches and bones alike cold from the breeze, the soft of his voice, low, teasing of all the things he'd do when they were alone. Lost, but not forgotten.

It doesn't exist here. The silence was heavy, deadly, respectful. Something they were not. The day was haunted, ghosts of the past running, playing, screaming through the wind, pounding their fists against the branches. Hopes of the future buried beneath the ground, trapped in a wooden box, suffocating. The pain, the grief not as gruesome as she remembers. Or maybe it was because her heart was not as forgiving.

There is no where else to go. Nothing more to do. She would be a broken routine and a broken woman. Fight it, resist it as she might. She hoped to find him at Pops Chock'Lit Shoppe, his spine kissing the vinyl booth, neck bent, waiting to sink until he finds the right words. She might find him in the bed they shared, eyes open, never crossing that split down the middle, always faced towards her side. She might find him out, at the bar, a job, surrounded, and her presence striking him, bloodying his lip. He will be a guest she does not share, a secret she locks in their closet, a beating heartbeat under the floorboards.

Veronica gives up fighting, and accepts this battle lost. Waves her white flag, shaking herself free of the dirt, standing uneasily on her own unsteady legs. Step by step, her soul tearing, wasting, the entirety of her threatening to cave, making her way home. Heart frayed, splitting apart. She could feel it all. Her body trembles by the openings that was her open wounds, the grief passing right through her, whistling through her soul. Dreadfully exposed. All of it is heavy. With nothing to hold, to cling to, Veronica's stitched together by a single thread. She pulls forward with all her strength, choking back a scream. It wasn't pain, not anymore, her nervous system long gone, but the memory of it bursts through her open chest the way it had in that moment, before everything seeped away in a puddle beneath her.

Her make-up is all but ruined, just like her soul. Mascara streaking down her cheeks, everything that once was protected inside catching their first taste of freedom. She gives up making herself presentable. She could pass for sickly even at her best. The bags under her eyes darker now. There was no hiding this, hiding the time that's passed. There isn't much left of her, there isn't much more time.

How long does she want to do this?

How much longer can she?

The light streams through the trees, a welcomed warmth. She missed it. She missed that comfort, that knowledge of memories long forgotten. All she had left was a hole in her heart and soul, weak and broken.

And here she stood, the hard ground of the cemetery punctuating her soul.  Listening to FP speak lightly of the days passed. No crying, though. No admittance of grief or pain, no apology, not even a word of what they were all really doing here. Just like her he couldn't let go, move on, he couldn't shake the guilt that woke them each night. Jughead was dead. Yet, no one dared to say the words, never letting it escape their lips, they knew better but when would they let him go?