Diary of a dying man

Life's twists and turns

A year had passed since the hecatomb with Genesis... until I received a call on my cell phone. I didn't recognize the number and when I answered, I froze... it was her. I don't know how she got my number because I tried to break all ties with her and she had still managed to contact me. I wanted to yell at her, but I couldn't, it hurt me to hate her and even my voice was very formal, very correct, almost diplomatic. Even though I asked her how she had gotten my number, she did not answer that question and started apologizing to me, speaking as naturally as if we had never stopped being friends and as if she had never humiliated me.

I wanted to cut the call, but I couldn't, I didn't have the courage or the heart to do it... so I listened to everything he was telling me. After he finished his whole argument, I only asked him one question "Why?" to which he replied "I needed someone better in my life, the distance weighed too much and I couldn't carry a long distance relationship. I chose who I thought was better"... and it was like Tyson's punchline..... now I was knocked out and the wounds in my chest were bleeding again... the pain became real and palpable again... but what followed I couldn't expect... Genesis burst into tears and told me that her husband was beating her, that she suspected he was cheating on her and that she reproached herself because she knew I had never cheated on her. I told her that I was sorry, that it was a pity and I said goodbye, I did not want to listen to her anymore.

I didn't hear anything from Genesis until 8 years later, when being a father of 2 girls, having 1 more on the way, I received a call to my new number (I changed my cell phone again some time later, but this time because I was robbed and I needed it) it was her.... to tell me that she was in Lima again and that she was going to live in Chile. She asked me to please meet her at the cafe in front of the place where we met and I, being a perfect idiot, accepted...

I went again almost like a zombie to a Claro module and acquired a new prepaid chip so that she could not have my number, so I cancelled the number I had at that moment, hoping that she could not contact me. Her reappearance rocked my world, as unbelievable as it seemed, I still loved her... even with all the damage she had caused me, I loved her and hated myself for it. That afternoon I met up with my friend David, who was the only one who knew what had happened, because I had told him and he had been kind enough not to send me to hell for it. We drank two bottles of rum and I ended up very drunk, so I rented a room in a hostel in Paseo Colón, a few blocks away from ENSAD and I fell sound asleep, trying to forget.

The next day with a criminal hangover, I returned home and although I think my grandfather could intuit everything that had happened (he has always had that ability that I inherited) he did not ask any questions and I thank him for it. I changed again my nascent social networks so he could not locate me and I even broke contact with friends I had in common with Genesis so I would not have to know anything about her. That is how time went by and my life with her went by.

I went to the place and sat down, a few minutes later she arrived... the same captivating green eyes, the same disturbing smile... but I could no longer find the magic in her that I had had. The years had taken their toll and she looked older than she was. We talked for almost 20 minutes, in which she apologized repeatedly to me, I didn't want to hear any more apologies so my manner was very curt, until she noticed my wedding ring and her voice became distant and almost seemed to hide pain. She said to me in a half broken voice "I'm glad you found the perfect woman for you. It was good to see you and again sorry for everything" after that, she stood up and left, getting into a cab to somewhere...surprisingly to me, I didn't bother trying to go after her

I didn't feel free by far, I felt a lot of pain, too much... but now I had 2 daughters and one more on the way for whom I wanted to stay alive. So I tried to get back to normal and went back to my life, changing my number for the umpteenth time, changing emails and networks. I wanted to put as much distance as possible and focused on being happy in my marriage, enjoying my daughters and learning how to be a good father to them.

4 years later, I was divorced and my daughters were living with their mom... until I received an envelope at my house in San Borja. It was a letter from Genesis in which she told me about her life in Chile, I read it carefully and although it didn't really say anything important, I can only remember one detail... she told me that she was getting married there again and said goodbye saying that she hoped that at some point we could be friends and talk again. In the envelope, there was also a single photo that digitized I share here, so you can meet the woman who was the most important in my life in love and also the one who destroyed me the most, leaving a void from which I still cannot recover. If you ask someone who knows me, how is my smile, he will tell you that I laugh very often and quietly, but my eyes do not accompany the laughter ... my eyes remain dead and will remain so, because they reflect the pain that a woman I loved with all my heart caused me.

Wherever she is now... I sincerely hope she is doing well and if life is generous to me, I hope I never hear from her again. Now that I have emptied everything I carried in my chest, I hope I can begin to heal the wounds and perhaps in the not too distant future, I can bring my eyes back to life. Until then, they will remain lost in the depths of their own darkness, while I try to be the best parent I can be and try to teach my students to be better every day. With that, I am well served.