Diary of a dying man

The route that every man must travel

Tonight I had to say goodbye to my daughters. I have sent them to Canada with their mother so that they will be safer with this pandemic. They have residency there and will receive the doses of vaccines they are due or at least the ones I would like to guarantee for them. I know it is not ethical for me to say this and perhaps it is shameless to admit that I am sending my daughters out of the country, when in Peru, there are thousands dying from this pandemic due to the inaction of the state, but frankly I have run out of the desire to go ahead and at least for them, I want to save them.

My mother will also go in a couple of days, it will be the best way to keep my family safe, I have lied to them and I admit it, I have told them that I will go in about 10 days when I finish selling everything here to only have the cash to start from scratch there and while it is true, it also carries a big lie.

I have started to write this entry while I travel in the cab, on my way to my apartment. I watch against the glass, the cars go by and the airport fade out of sight. The chaos of Lima welcomes me again with open arms, suffocating, heavy, hopeless, devastating? I will discard my box today, I will no longer go through its contents. There is still a lot in store... but frankly, I don't see the point in continuing. I bring my hand to my neck as the cab driver speaks to me in a friendly manner and I answer him automatically, we talk about politics and I see that we differ greatly in our reasoning, but even so, neither of us falls into fanaticism.

Suddenly, my hands stop as I feel my grandmother's ring and my father's medal. My fingers go numb, as if I have dipped them in ice... I feel ashamed for breaking the code I have lived by all my life, but the time has come to take drastic measures

I remember my 2019 students Jorge, Ancheli and Gabriel, asking me about the code of honor that I constantly mention, until today I had not noticed that my code, with which I have grown up and walked every day, following my principles, is very similar to the bushido of the Japanese feudal era, strictly of the samurai era. It is curious... I have no relationship with the Japanese culture and much less I have had approaches with the moral principles of its people.My life has always revolved around 7 principles:

義 Gi - Justice or Righteousness (right decisions).- It is always vital to be honest in every dealings with anyone. In Peru, "la criollada" is usually applauded, that is, taking advantage of others, to obtain a benefit over the other person. I do not particularly believe in the justice of the country, nor in the justice of society... to be frank, I believe in my own criteria of justice. I am not anyone's executioner, but I judge each person according to my moral principles, I try to live always making the right choices, even if it represents me some prejudice. The price of that harm is to unmask those who take advantage of the situation, there is no gray tone, things are black or white, good or bad, it's as simple as that.

勇 Yu - Courage.- Staying silent in the face of injustice is not my thing, even if no one else raises their voice or does anything. Hiding is not an option, maybe it's a suicidal and risky thing to do, but I can't just wait for everything to happen. It's also not about going as cannon fodder and putting my life on the line just because, it's about standing up for the right reasons in the face of any abuse

仁 Jin - Compassion.- An honorable man, help his fellow man in any way he can, no need to go into debt or do the impossible to achieve it, just do whatever you can. Sometimes an advice, listening to someone who needs to vent or something as simple as a smile or a hug, can give you the boost someone needs to take the step forward to follow your path

礼 Rei - Respect, courtesy.- There are no reasons to be cruel. There is no need to show that I am strong. I firmly believe that courtesy is essential, even in the face of enemies and those who hate us. A man of honor receives respect not only for his physical strength and professional achievements, but also in the way he treats others, in his treatment of animals and nature. This strength becomes vital in times of suffering such as we are living in this pandemic

誠 Makoto - Honesty, absolute sincerity - When I put my word on something, when I commit to do something, even if it's something complicated, no matter how I do it, I do it. My dad always told me that a word is worth more than anything else. When I promise something, it's because I mean it. No matter how long it takes me, I will keep my promise. Speaking and doing are the same action

名誉「名譽」Meiyo - Honor.- This is the most important point of all. No one can judge my actions, my judge, jury and executioner is me, because I always stick to my principles. The choices I make are a reflection of who I am. Tarnishing my honor is not an option and there is no possible way to make amends for a fault on this point

忠義 Chugi - Loyalty - If I say or do something, I am entirely responsible for the consequences, good or bad. My friends, my students, my colleagues, classmates, have my loyalty. Even if we drift apart or break relationships, I will still keep my word, I do not foresee a scenario where I would betray the trust they placed in me at the time, even if they betrayed me. For me, words are like footprints in the sand... they can be followed wherever I go.