𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪.

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 28

It's been a month. Without her. It fucking hurts. So fucking badly.

"Boss. Aadithya's here." One of the guards said.

"I'm not meeting anyone." I said bluntly.

"Not even me?" Aadithya asked.

"No. Get out." I said.

"You always do this. You always push everyone away when you're hurting. You never let anyone in." Aadithya said, raising his voice.

"Not true. I never push Nishani away." I disagreed as a lump formed in my throat just by saying her name.

"NIROSHAN FOR FUCKS SAKE NISHANI IS DEAD GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL!" He yelled.

Nirusha was in my arms. She just heard that. That her mother is dead.

"Mama?" She asked sadly as tears rolled down her face.

"Baby," Was all I could say as I hugged her tight. She sobbed softly in my chest.

"ARE YOU HAPPY? YOU MADE MY FUCKING DAUGHTER CRY!" I yelled back.

"NISHANI ISN'T COMING BACK. STOP GETTING YOUR HOPES UP!" He screamed as he slammed the door shut.

I fell to the floor with Nirusha in my arms. He was right. I always push everyone away when I need them the most. And Nishani. She isn't coming back. I just couldn't accept it.

Normally, I would drown my problems with alcohol. But I couldn't drink alcohol. Reason number one, I have a daughter. I can't be an alcoholic dad. Reason number two, Nishani. She hates it when I drink. She would have hated it if I drank.

I looked down in my arms to see Nirusha sadly sleeping. It breaks my heart to see her so sad. She's only 4 months old. She doesn't deserve this. I softly placed her in her crib and stood by the door. It always breaks me to see her or her mother sad. I would always cheer her mother up but I don't know how to cheer Nirusha up.

How do you cheer up someone that just heard their mother died?

I walked past Nirusha's room to my office so I could bury myself in work but I stopped.

Nirusha was up. Just sitting there.

"Baby? What's wrong?" I asked, picking her up.

"mama." She said softly.

"Here let me show you something." I said, taking her to our room.

I grabbed an album with all of our photos. Nishani always wanted to put the best ones in an album and call it the album of our life.

"This photo is when your mother and I first kissed. It was my 19th birthday." I told Nirusha as she looked at all the photos adorably.

She pointed at a picture where Nishani was in this beautiful champagne pink coloured dress and I was in a black tux that had diamonds all over it. It was the night we killed Sanjay.

"We went to a ball that day. Mama looks pretty, doesn't she?"

"Dada." She said pointing to me in the picture and smiling at me.

"Yes. Dada." I smiled back at her.

I let Nirusha flip through the pages as I looked at the wedding portrait hung up on the wall.

'Oh my love. I wish you were here right now.' I thought to myself.

----

I put Nirusha to bed and got ready for bed myself when I saw a book on Nishani's nightstand. I picked it up and realized that it was her journal. I read one of the first entries she wrote.

"Dear Diary, just kidding we all know I won't continue this shit.

I miss my family but I don't want to go back just yet. I need to destroy Sanjay and if I go back home without murdering him, my loved ones could be in danger. But I don't want them to forget about me. I need them to know I'm safe. I don't know what to do. Meanwhile, I almost got raped last night. If Niroshan didn't save me last night, I would have probably lost my virginity. I love him. WAIT- aiyo (oh god). I just said I love him. I mean, he's attractive and nice. He's different from Sanjay. I just hope he likes me too.

Sincerely, you know who ;)"

When I finished reading, I looked out the window. When I saved her was when she realized she loves me. 'I like you Nishani. Actually, no. I love you. So fucking much.' I thought to myself.

I decided to read a more recent entry.

"Hey bitch,

It's been a few months since I've been disowned by my parents. Niroshan has been taking good care of me but he won't let me go on anymore missions cause I'm pregnant. I know it's dangerous but I miss going on missions with my soon to be husband. He's actually gone on a mission right now and I miss him. His missions have become harder and I really want to help but his stubborn ass won't fucking let me. I just finished watching the notebook and it's so cuteeeee. Allie and Noah died together and that's the cutest fucking thing ever. I hope Niroshan and I die together. Obviously when we're old but it would be so fucking cute. Oop speaking of Niroshan, he's here so I'm gonna be a needy bitch. byeeeeeee."

It was before we fought about me going on missions. She was always worried about me not coming back home. Now, she never came back. She wanted the both of us to die together. Sadly, her wish wasn't fulfilled. 'You died before me. You wanted us to die together so why would you die before me?' I asked her picture, hoping she would hear me.

I closed the journal and left it back on the nightstand. I cried. She wished for so much. I can't do this. Not without her.