Not Yet (The Academy)

Chapter 2: The Single Mom Guide To The Bright Side.

The next thing I know, they're screaming. At me? No, at each other, at no one, at everything. 
"The hell?" North yells "My baby Sang is having a baby?"
 Something in his words hurts me. He said it like it was just me. Like it was just me on my own in this thing. I know he didn't mean it, but still hurts.
  It really hurts.
"Who got her pregnant?" Luke says, looking around.
"Oh, god" Kota leds his hands up to his hair, pulling. Like this was really awful. Like if I just ruined something important.
Victor is standing there staring at me with his mouth open, not even a blink. He clenches and unclenches his fists. It seems like he's the only one focusing right now, 'cause Silas is lost watching the pink lines that are not going to fade away. Believe, I've tried. On the other hand, Nathan is trying to calm North down. It seems like isn't working.
"Please, say something" I beg to Victor. My sweet, sweet Victor.
"I... I don't know what to say".
"I'm fucking changing diapers" Nathan says, looking over Sila's shoulder to one of the test.
I'm fucking chanching diapers.
I'm fucking chanching diapers.
I'm fucking chanching diapers.
  I storm out the room, running down the stairs and grabbing my keys only to get out the door. I get on the car North got me two years ago. He said it was perfect for me 'cause it was safe. He said I would always count on him to keep me safe. 
   Things ends. I've hear this before, in every book, in every movie, out of every girl's mouth I've ever came across since I'm in college. But I never thought we would be one of those things, because we're family. We are a commitment. We are...
  But they freaked out with the baby. I keep recalling their faces and voices in my head as I drive away, but I can only hear Nathan's voice saying it over and over again. 
  Of course they don't want to change diapers. Who 20/21 years old would want to?
They might be not staying.
They might be hating me.
I might be on my own now.
  Suddenly, I feel like I can't breathe. My throat feels like closing and my lungs ache. I roll down the window so I can maybe breathe, but I can't . I can't right now.
But I am. I feel like I am breathing, I know. It just doesn't feel like they actually reach my lungs.
 I'm far enough in the nursery program to understand I might be having a panic attack. I take deep breaths and try to stay stady until I reach the city, since because of the size of our house, we live apart. It's better off like that, since North has garages for his cars and Gabriel has his privet studio, and Nathan his own gym, and....
  I stop thinking, because it's way too painful. I end up in a book store/café for some reason, and it's perfect for me to really stop thinking: I've always loved books. I look around the shelves for something I might like to get or I get lost reading the synopsis in the back. My phone starts buzzing inside my purse, and when I get it out, there are twenty missed calls from North only. There are several more there, the second biggest number coming from Nathan, also known as the guy who refuse chanching diapers. 
 The love of my life who refuse chanching diapers. 
My kid's diapers.
  I look back to my stomach and place the palm of my hand there.
"Don't you worry, babe. They might be gone, but we'll be okay. I promise".
 I don't notice the seller standing near me. She looks up at me, her long bright hair falling down her shoulders. She lets out a sight, the kind of "I know where you are, girl", and points at the other direction.  She smiles then leaves.
  I doubt about it a little, but at the end I walk to the selves marked "How To". I scan the shelves, finding useful and useless thing at once, till I find the babies little section.
 The Single Mom Guide To The Bright Side, one book is called. I stare at the title, and decide I'll take it in case of the worst.
 The words Single Mom haunts me.  Then, I look at another book titled: How To Design Your Baby's Room. As I touch the spine, I think about Gabriel not being there to spoil this little kid.
  My whole chest is in pain. Literally in pain. It's weird how tell call it a broken heart.
I pile that book above the other as a few tears slip down. I wipe them in hurry, searching for something else that might help me raise this kid properly.
Sweet Pastries For Your Kids
Oh. What if Luke is never there to give the baby chocolat behind North's back?
How To Teach Your Kid Maths 
How To Teach Your Kid Ortography.
I pile them too, thinking about the lack of knowledge Owen and Kota might bring the baby while growing up. I might be the one trying to explain math or ortography in a couple of years.
Healthy Food During Pregnancy: What Your Baby Needs.
Speaking Differents Languages To Your Child: Bilingual Kids
I do not know different languages, but it reminds me of Silas, so I take it.
 I am unable of keep looking at titles so I grab the six books piled up and walk to the counter, where I pay fifty dollars for them. Which reminds me that I need to get a job.
But what happens with college? What happens with the nursery program?
 I'm screwed. I'm totally screwed.
I get in the car and for the first time I let myself cry desperately for the ones I don't know if I actually lost. I hope I didn't. I hope I come back home and find them with a change of mind.
Oh, please. Let them change their minds.
I finally take a deep breathe and start the car, not to go home, not yet. I need a little more time. I can't face them for now. I decide to go to watch a movie, finally. Maybe it'll stress me less. I don't know. Leslie, a friend from college, told me that was what she did when she had problems with her girlfriend Maya. Maybe she's right. Maybe I should give it a shot.
  The movie teather is at the other edge of the city, so it's kind of a long road. My eyes start to water up again till the point where I can't see the road in front of me for a few seconds. I blink them off, but all I can see is just a blur.
 When the tears fall, I see the light coming this way. Then I hear the metal crushing. 
Then the pain.