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Chapter 14- daddys funeral

It was Friday today is the day that is my dad's funeral.

I got dressed, I wore a knee length dress and my black ballet flats.

I have my eulogy written and I know when I talk I'm not going to be able to get one word out without bursting into tears, this day is going to be the worst day of my life.

We had a black limo pick us up, we then went to pick up chad, mika and Lara.

They tried to talk to me but I just couldn't get any words out, I just stayed quiet and stared at the ground.

The car ride was awkward, nobody talked but I didn't care I was too upset to care about anything.

I haven't slept this whole week thinking of today.

When we arrived I couldn't hop out of the car, everyone was out except for me.

I busted out crying again.

Chad came into the car and lifted me out.

I stood up and hugged my sister and brother.

By now we were all crying and my mom was inside the church saying goodbye to my dad before anyone was in there.

We all went into the church, my mom was in front of my dad's coffin just standing there.

I went up to her "mom come sit down" I said.

She looked at me, tears were streaming down her face.

We went and sat down, I sat sitting at the front in-between my mom and my sister holding on to both of their hands.

It was my turn to do my eulogy.

I got up and stop in front of the podium "hi my name is Sydney, I am 14 and I am the second oldest out of my siblings. On Saturday night I lost my dad, my role model and my best friend" tears were streaming down my face, I had to stop for a second "sorry, I wish I had a longer time with him. The last thing I said to him was I hate you just because he didn't let me do something." I had to stop again "I'm sorry daddy I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry I love you so much, I'll see you soon goodbye daddy"

I walked away from the podium and I went to the back of the church and walked out the doors, I just had to go outside for a bit so I could cry.

Chad came up to me and sat down next to me "please leave" I said

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"I'm fine please just leave I want to be alone" I demanded.

"No I want to stay here and make sure you're ok" he pleaded.

"Just piss off I need to be alone" I shouted.

"Syd" he said before I cut him off "no I don't want to hear it just piss off now!"

Chad just got up and walked back inside.

I was finally alone.

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I had been outside for around 30 minutes.

I decided that I had better go inside, so I did.

I went and sat down at the front where I was before I went outside.

My mom looked at me and took my hand in hers.

I turned around to chad, he looked at me then at the ground.

I didn't mean to get angry at him....

I just wanted to be alone.

We all left the church and hopped into the cars to drive to the graveyard.

I sat next to my brother and sister while Chad, Lara and Mika sat in the back.

I got out of the car and walked ahead of everyone I saw the whole that my dad was going into I felt instantly sick, I thought I was going to puke.

I just stopped and stood there.

Lara ran up to me "what's wrong?" she asked.

"Lara he is going to be in there" I pointed at the hole "and I'll never see him again all because of a fucking car crash. Do you know how shit that is?" I asked crying for the 50th time today.

"I know but this has to be done just think of it this way at least he isn't in a hospital bed suffering or in a coma at least now he is in peace" she said and gave me a hug.

Lara's words made a lot of sense to me.

After my little talk with Lara I walked up beside the hole and sat down in my spot just staring at the coffin.

After a while everyone had come and it as time to say our final goodbyes and to throw our Rosses onto his coffin.

I went first "goodbye daddy I love you" I said and I dropped in the rose.

Then my brother "daddy I love you and I'll miss you, but you let me with all girls oh no this won't be fun!" he said which made everyone laugh a bit.

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It was over.

I went up to chad and said "hey am sorry I just wanted to be alone."

"That's ok but I just want you to know pushing your friends or boyfriend away isn't going to help the situation" he said.

"I wasn't pushing you away I just wanted to be alone. I'm sorry if it felt like that" I said.

"Its fine" chad said sounding very sharp.

"Why do you sound so sharp Chadstar? Are you ok?" I asked.

"Yeah am fine and I don't sound sharp" he said his voice getting softer.

"Okay said and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I wrapped mine around his waist.

I like you a lot Syd" he said.

I like you a lot too" I said smiling, I think that is the first real smile I have had since I found out about my dad.

We hopped in the car and drove to my house and they all came over for a bit before leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I feel better not happy but better after I had spoken to Lara and she told me that earlier today.

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Authors note:

Hey sorry guys I have been busy this weekend so I didn't update that much but I went to go see insurgent. Omg it is so good! Anyway sorry guys.