Teri Deewani / Crazy for you

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

After listening to Mrs. Jones words, Khushi felt like Arnav slapped her in her face. Why does what he said hurt so much? After all she is not married to Arnav. She is not his wife. She is not his. And the cruel truth was, he is not hers. He was just saying the truth. Khushi thought how he came back into her life, few weeks ago and how much hope there was to righten her past mistakes and earn his forgiveness.

Khushi dropped the pills on the floor and covered her face with her palms. She was waiting for him to come back to her for five long years. Five very long and lonely years. She wanted to enjoy the rest of the time with him till he decided to leave again. This was her thought. This between them was not forever and only temporarily. Wasn't this her prior thought? And what should a girl, a widow like her expect? Who wants a widow as his wife? Few hours ago Khushi didn't know how it was to be with a man together. To feel what a married woman feel being intimate with her husband. Being touched! Being kissed! Being wanted!

Khushi was usually very realistic. The life has taught her to be this way and she learned though her own experience how cruel the life could be. So why was she already hoping for more from life? Arnav never said that he wanted to marry her. Never! He never gave her promises. Then why was she crying and suffering because the reality slapped her in the face? Why is she feeling like dying from inside knowing what was to come?

Khushi remembered Arnav's words just to remind herself the things she obviously wanted to forget.

>>She is not my wife, and she will never be.<<

In the moment when he spoke this words out, the reality hit her right into the face.

She was in a dreamworld till then. Just happy to have him back. She totally forgot the reality of their togetherness. He was not bound on her and she not on him. But one thing was absolutely sure for Khushi.

She belonged to Arnav. For her, it was a fact. Maybe not as his wife and in the eyes of the world. But she was his. Her body and soul, were always his. He can do whatever he wanted to her because she was all his. She thought on the time without him.

For so many years Khushi was a lifeless person. One empty box without soul!

Pain! Pain was her daily escort. Seeing him after so long time let her forget every pain, every tear, every dark night fulfill with scary dreams and guilt. And now when she thought everything disappeared, Khushi realized it was all replaced by loneliness. This feeling was new because Khushi was always surrounded by loving people. There was always somebody to speak and share her problems. Even Arnav left, Khushi always have Buaji by her side. She missed Buaji so much. She wasn't only replacement for Khushi's aunt but also for her mother. Normally Khushi would cry her heart out to Buaji and spoke about her problems with her and Buaji would listen patiently.

In all this years without Arnav, Shiyam and Anjali, Buaji was her support. She knew how Khushi felt for Arnav. How deep her love was for him. It was also Buaji who advised Khushi to wait for Arnav. She promised her that Arnav would come back and Khushi trusted Buaji, because no one knew Arnav better than her.

And Buaji also used to say, Khushi's and Arnav's love was written by God. Buaji repeated this constantly and that one day Khushi was going to understand her words.

Khushi walked to shower and opened the water. The hot liquid washed her tears away and she was thankful for the cleansing. She washed herself, making the shower into a cleaning ritual and dressed again in her old clothes. Arnav still kept her room locked and since she didn't want to wear his clothes, Khushi has no other option than to wear her already worn clothes. It was also needful for her to get some distance from Arnav because she didn't want to break into tears again and show her weakness in front of him. If she wore his clothes with his smell on them because she wanted something clean, it would upset her and bring feelings on the surface again, which she tried to avid so hard.