Fool House | Joestars x Reader (Casino AU)

7 | Staples In The Wall

No one's sure how Jolyne managed to staple her hand into the wall.

Joseph and Giorno came to the rescue, thankfully, after enduring a solid five minutes of her cursing and screaming, only having left her alone in hopes of her figuring out how to fix her problem herself; However, Giorno fails to take into account that Joseph is about as bright as a broken lightbulb, and as a result, he also manages to staple his hand to the wall.

Josuke is merely a bystander, watching the two full-grown adults whine and cry like children while he and Johnny are actually doing worthwhile work. What was Jolyne even doing with a stapler in the first place? Right. Hanging up streamers with little dicks etched into them.

"Honestly, those idiots..." Johnny mumbled beneath his sigh. Well, it's not like this isn't a daily occurrence anyways. "Think you can take out the trash for me?"

Josuke cranes his head over to look at where Johnny vaguely gestured behind him, immediately catching sight of an overflowing garbage bin. Who was in charge of trash today, anyway? wasn't it Gappy? Oh, well, it's just like him to forget things..

Offering a quick hum as a form of acknowledgement, he walks away from glittering bar Johnny manned alone and goes to drag the trash to the dumpster outside, opting to take a short cut through the kitchen since its exit happened to be closer.

Now, no one's ever out there. It's a quiet, and lonely alley that their garbage hides in, which is never disturbed-- not even by the rustle of a hungry rat, or peck of a passing crow. So of course, Josuke began to wonder what a child had been doing there. 

As sticky-fingered as a common raccoon, what could barely be considered a kid clawed through garbage and muck, pulling out anything even half-edible and tucking it into his hole-ridden pockets; Josuke even catching him grin a little too enthusiastically at a torn sweater he found beneath some shattered glass. 

He had matted blonde hair that reached a bit below his ears, housing sticks and leaves of the sort, and probably even some insects. Sloppily patched stained pants were hoisted along his waist by a mere shoelace, and his chest was poorly shielded from the sun by a t-shirt three sizes too big. There was so much dirt of his fair face that one could've assumed they were freckles, and so many cuts and bruises on his legs that you wouldn't think they were anything but flashy tights without a closer look.

Josuke felt an obligation, like the kind-hearted man he was, to help the boy in need; But before he could even call out to him, beckon him over and invite him inside for a quick meal, the child caught sight of him, and scampered off before anything could be done.

He tripped and stumbled over garbage bags thrown into alley by passerby, almost face-planting into what could've very well been beer glass shards, before scurrying off into the street, and out of sight. What a poor sight... 

He tried to run after him, tail after the dirt prints he left in the scalding pavement (mind you, the boy had no shoes to protect his sorry feet), but the moment he turned the corner, it was like he was never there. He could've dipped into a shop, or sprinted into the next empty space between buildings, but wherever he was, Josuke knew he wouldn't have been able to find him.

Next time--he promised himself-- next time he sees that kid, he'll give him the help he needs. But for now, Johnny just wants the trash taken out, and (Y/n) wants the chores done before noon.

Returning to the bar after having successfully thrown the trash where it belonged, Josuke discovered that Johnny was no where in sight. He probably went upstairs to check on his little mouse, Danny, which was left in the company of Jam.

"Hey, Josuke! I gots'a questions for you!" Jolynes voice could be heard thundering down the hall, and as she appeared in the bar, Vinette was seen scurrying close behind her, urging the woman to stop moving as she was still treating her hand.

He gave her a nod, a sign for her to go on, as his interest had been piqued by her rush. With a mischievous grin, she fished her phone from her pocket with her free hand, the other occupied by the fuming little nurse who was picking staples out from her palm.

"So, like, I have this friend, right?" She starts off bubbly and excited, only to lower her voice as she trailed on. "He's around the bosses age, y'know. Total cutie. Single. Likes pets. And because he's more of a serious guy, (Y/n)s big personality will be a perfect match for him! Just hear me out, ok?"

It's almost always a good idea to never listen to what follows after Jolyne says, "Hear me out."

"Giorno told me you stapled your hand into the wall one time, why am I finding six damn staples!" Vinette screeched, tediously plucking out the little metal bars one by one with a pair of tweezers. "Oh, my mistake, SEVEN DAMN STAPLES?"

Jolyne pretends like she isn't going to get an earful after all is said and done, and instead continues her talk with Josuke, who eyes her skeptically. "Really, seven times? I was outside for two minutes, and you staple your hand seven-"

"Ok, listen, I just didn't believe that a staple went through my skin! So I did it again, right, and of course it went through. I flipped the fuck out, and fell backwards, and hit the stapler onto my hand again, twice, and then i thought, 'wow, this hurts, but wait; don't staplers have a thing in their end to get staplers out?' So i tried that, and put, like, another two into my hand."

"..So, if I'm doing the math right, that means you only have six in it?"

"Joseph wanted to see if he could use the stapler as a gun. Turns out he could."

No further explanation was needed, for if Josuke was quiet enough, he could hear the man in question getting yelled at by Jotaro one floor up. 

"Anyways," She continued, swiping through her phone, "I want your help in setting up a date for them. A quick one, just to see how much they'd like each other?"

"I don't know... (Y/n)s never been one to involve themselves in romantics. Didn't Jonathan say they've never been on an actual date?"

"Well, yeah, but we can help them out with that! C'mon, please? Pretty please? Pleeease~?"

"How about you just introduce them first, figure out if they'd actually be into each other. Can your friend even gamble?"

"Uhh.. Maybe?" Jolyne shrugged, hissing when Vinette yanked out the last staple. "Hey, be gentle! That hurt like shit!"

"That was the last one, so there's no more for me to be gentle with." Vinette said with a huff, slowly pulling out a familiar bit of stationary from her pocket. "Unless you would like me to give you more."

"God no, fuck off."

"So.. Should I just go tell (Y/n) that they'll be having a visitor soon, or...?" Josuke pretends that he isn't watching his cousin fight off Vinette's tight chokehold, even elbowing her in the stomach and attempting to trip her multiple times.

A quick thumbs up is given before she's wrestled to the floor; shouts and curses flew into the air, mixing with the horrific sounds of a stapler repeatedly firing into something. 

....Moving on, guess the boss has a date!