//talks about eating disorder
Usually I would wear some jeans and a t-shirt, nothing to special. But, today was different I felt like wearing something cute. I decided on a pink tennis skirt, with a white plain shirt. I felt cute, and I thought I looked cute as well.
When walking down the steps to see Colby, Jake, and Sam talking I made my way over to Colby smiling. Immediately Colbys eyes had found me, slowly looking down. Instead of eyes of love, it looked more as eyes of disgust. I tried to find an excuse out of it but it only made the gut wrenching feeling, come to surface.
"Are you wearing that today?" Colby asks in a whisper tone.
"Yeah, is there something wrong?" I asked with a look of sadness.
"No, it's just that uhm, it's different." Colby shrugs to me.
I look around and everyone was looking down with there eyes to the floor, I debated on going upstairs and changing.
"You know I'm just gonna stay here today, I uh, have some merch things to do." I said looking upstairs.
"But didn't you just finish all your merch stuff?" Colby asks with a frustrated face.
"Well not everything works out in the end Cole." I said turning on my heels.
I walked up the stairs back to the bedroom, immediately putting on sweatpants. Did I actually have merch stuff to do? No but I had no other excuse it wasn't like I could say, "yeah sorry I'm really insecure right now because you called me ugly so I'm going to spend the next three hours contemplating not eating."
After about four hours Colby had come home, walking into the room. I was sitting on the couch scrolling through my phone not really looking for anything. Colby had stood against the closet door, shirtless with a hoodie in his hand.
"I saw Amber today." He said quietly.
"Okay." I said without emotion.
"We came up with some video ideas." He said looking at me intently.
"Can we not talk about Amber." I said annoyed looking up at him.
"Okay, are you hungry? Wanna get Taco Bell or something?" He asks putting his hoodie on.
"No, I'm not hungry." I said quietly.
"Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?" He asks walking up to me.
"No." I said my voice wavering.
"Are you sure, I tried to call you earlier but you didn't answer, I texted you like five times and you left me on read, and now when I came home you don't even talk to me." He says with a slight higher voice.
"Because immediately coming home you talk about another girl, and then totally disregard what you fucking said about my outfit today, and then ask me a bullshit question. How about hey baby I'm sorry I called you ugly today, I'm sorry I was talking about your outfit infront of our friends. But no, you want to talk about useless shit." I snapped standing up.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Colby says looking at me straight in the eye.
"I wore a different type of outfit and you ask me if I was actually going to wear it, why couldn't you have just said I looked pretty or at least decent." I said tears brimming my eyes.
"Princess, I didn't mean it as a bad thing, I was just curious. You usually wear some jeans and a shirt, you just shocked me with how amazing you looked." He said placing his hands on my hips.
"Then why were your eyes telling a different story?" I asked quietly.
"Because baby, Sam had just told me some loser contacted Sam asking inappropriate questions about you. I felt disgusted." He said placing his head on top of mine pulling me close.
"Never in a million years would I call you ugly, you are so fucking beautiful and gorgeous and hot and sexy. The amount of will power it takes for me not to take you then and there is unbelievable. Don't make yourself feel bad, you look hot no matter what." He says looking at me.
I place my head on his chest feeling slightly better towards the situation. The perfect moment was then ruined when the sound of my stomach began to growl.
"I'm not hungry" Colby mocks me from earlier.
I slightly chuckle; then turned around to grab my phone to avoid the conversation that would soon begin about me eating.
"Hey why are you avoiding me again?" Colby asks grabbing my wrist lightly.
"I'm not, just grabbing my phone so I can find something to order so we can eat" I lied.
Although it's technically the truth, the main reason was to avoid him asking questions like now.
"Have you eaten today?" He asks.
I looked at the door praying that what I say, he will believe. My body physically can't handle another argument to break out.
"Yeah, I had some chips earlier" I answered.
Colby sighed before grabbing my phone and began ordering various fast foods, all them being my top five favorites.
"I know you are lying, but I'm not going to argue with you about it. Just please listen to me okay?" He asks holding my hands.
I nod and look up at him, holding onto his hands tightly.
"I love you so much, you know that. You know I would do everything and anything for you, hell I would hide a body for you. But y/n, please don't hurt yourself physically because of something dumb I said. I wouldn't be able to handle myself at all if something bad were to happen to you." Colby says quietly.
I nod to scared to say words with the fear of sobbing, but to my knowledge I had tears streaming down my face.
"Come here princess." He says pulling me into his chest.
I hugged him tightly and pushed my head into his chest, just to be as close as possible to him. Once again, the moment was ruin when a tall blonde opened the door with various bags of fast food.
"Seems like you are having a moment, I will just leaves these here." Sam says quietly before placing the bags on the floor near the door.
A laugh rumbled through the room, a pure and happy laughter. Something that throughout the day wasn't shared, but now having it makes the day feel complete. With now eating the food that feels ever so great entering my empty stomach, with the person who makes me the happiest I feel complete.
a|n: this is a very serious subject that i feel most people look past. dont harm yourselves, please eat and everyone is beautiful in there own ways. here is the eating disorder hotline: 1-800-931-2237
