Athenaeum of Kpop (fanfiction awards)

JHS Reviews

Judge : inky_jin

1) Arranged Marriage by GIRLwithLUV_19

Book Cover: (3/5)

Who can deceive the Charm of the eternal sunshine? A wink and a smile! Aah! I love him... But bun, I crave our protagonist on the cover as well.

Book title: (4/5)

I know why the name, I understand it too. But a bit of twist is all I want for it!

Blurb(2/5):

I know the first line is a dialogue even before I started with the story, but bun blurb is a little synopsis of the story with some suspense held deep within. I found none!

First chapter: (3/5)

Hot, intriguing and romantic! But bun, you need to complete sentences. You can't start a sentence with "Am excited" but "I am excited", it is the right way to write a book love. Plus, present and past tense kept going back and forth, fix that with a thorough proof reading.

Vocabulary: (4/5)

You have a pretty nice vocab, with a very little space for development. Asombroso!

Grammar: (3/5)

Bun, the past and present kept switching, and there were plenty of mistakes in spellings. Just a small instance "Hormone" not harmon. All it needs is a through proofreading dear...

Plot: (16/20)

Though a mainstream plot, you kept me hooked to it. I enjoyed the little make outs, I enjoyed the hot Hobi and Y/n, as well as I loved the duo. The little fun going on between the two and loads of romance add up to it! A bit of confusion did arise in the middle on howthey got their marriage arranged, but it did fill in. Like from college to direct king size bed, it did confuse me.

Charecter: (7/10)

I love both Hobi and y/n. They keep me hooked, but I think love should have been given a chance before getting into physical intimacy. That doesn't mean I didn't totally love the love makings!

Emotions: (9/10)

The sexual tension is on point, so is Hobi's love for Y/n and vice versa. Yet, I crave for pain and love a bit more.

Pace: 9/10)

Pitch-perfect!

Ending:(9/10)

Not the actual end, but till I read it is really good. Your growth as a writer shows, but bun you need to go for a proofreading!

Impression: (8/10)

First impression is the last impression! The small mistakes keep lingering, and I won't deny that they were real turn offs. I was bad back in time too, and rereading did help. But, I love it.

Total: (77/100)

Your potential is at peaks, and I see your growth from the first chapter to the 30th! And I am enthralled! Your story, though confused me for a while, soon set back in track. You can do wonders bun, read a few stories of your favourite author offline or online and proofread! That's all! :D