Midnight | Luke Hemmings [EDITING]

31

August 5th
Luke Hemmings

The next morning when I woke, Elleya was already awake. She was sitting at the table across from Michael, carelessly picking at her food with a fork. Not wanting to bother her, I go straight to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of orange juice.

When I return to the tiny dining area, Michael narrows his eyes at me, sending me a reminding look. In response, I half nod and silently took a sip from my glass.

I could feel her eyes on me. It was tempting to want to look back at her, but I knew I couldn't. She may not have wanted my attention so I couldn't risk that.

Much to my surprise, Michael leaves the table and retreats back to his bedroom, leaving Elleya and I in an uncomfortable silence.

"You can't hide from me, Lu." That nickname. It fell so effortlessly from her mouth. It was admirable, the tone she said it in. Hearing her call me that made a certain guilt crawl up on me.

"I know...I don't plan on doing that anymore." I replied nervously.

"Make me a promise."

Hold up.

"Wait what?" I furrowed my eyebrows, taken back by her request.

"Make me a promise." She repeated.

"Alright." I nodded slowly.

"Promise you won't hide from me anymore." She stated. I figured that was going to be what she was going to say. I couldn't blame her, though. She wanted me to be just as open as she was.

"I promise."

I had met yet another promise to her. My hope was that I wouldn't fuck it up and not keep it. I had been managing to keep the first promise I made to her. I wasn't going to leave her in the dark by herself. I couldn't do that -- not even a little bit.

She looked almost scared after I agreed to keep her proposed promise. The worry was written all over her face. I knew she wasn't one for promises and I was shocked that she wanted me to make one to her, but this seemed to be some kind of brave move for herself. Like she was trying to be strong and not be afraid. I was proud of that.

Still I knew I wasn't out of the situation just yet. She was still sitting across from me, occasionally taking a few tiny bites out of her food. Every once in a while she would glance over at me puff out a tired breath.

"Do you have work today?" She finally broke the terrible silence.

"No, I don't work on Saturday."

"Oh right. Forgot about that." She dropped her fork, staring at her plate like she had a million things running through her mind. I tried not to acknowledge it too much, but she just seemed so bothered. "Why don't you tell me anything about your past?" I found myself quickly turning away as she spoke up again.

"Because I've put the past behind me." I shrugged. I didn't know what else to tell her. I didn't like to look back on the past. It was ironic considering she hated doing so too.

"Haven't you learned anything from me? The past is never put behind you for good. Especially if it's coming back to taunt you the way that it did last night."

"I know..."

"So what happened then?" She asked cautiously.

"My father -- wasn't a good person." Was all I could manage to say. She bites down on her bottom lip.

"What did he do?"

"He left without a goodbye and without an explanation." I responded, bouncing my knee up and down just thinking about him.

"Kinda like Katelyn..."

"Yeah like Katelyn."

"Lu?" Her voice softened, causing me to my lift my head up and finally look at her. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. I almost felt like I was to blame. If I had just been as honest as she was to me, maybe we wouldn't have been in that position.

"Mhm?"

"Are you really okay?" I winced hearing those words. Be honest, just be honest. Tell her.

"No." I confessed.

"This isn't going to be good for us Luke. We're both broken people...if you're locking in everything you're secretly feeling then what's supposed to happen when you can't do that anymore?"

"That's not going to happen." I stand up and approach approach her but she presses her hand to my chest to keep me at a distance. "I won't let that happen. I'm not going to hurt you."

"But I don't know that, Luke! The way you spoke to me last night. That wasn't a voice of sensitivity, it was aggressive. How do I know that one day you're not going to do something you'll regret?" Everything that stumbled out of her mouth brought up an anxiousness inside me.

"No...I would hurt you. I love you. I love you too much to ever hurt you."

"Then if you won't be the one to hurt me, I fear it's you I'll hurt." Now this hurt. I didn't want to believe she could hurt me. She never has, so how could she.

"How? You're not one to hurt others."

"By shutting you out."

"Please don't..." I begged.

"I can't, not now. I'm still too attached to you...but I'm afraid I will."

"You're not making any sense."

"Don't you get it Luke? You don't trust me! If you don't trust me with your past, how am I supposed to trust you with my own?!" She shot up.

"I told you already that my father isn't a good person."

"And I told you Katelyn broke a promise! You already know Michael caught me crying behind the fucking school cutting up pictures of her and I. You saw me in my worst, most vulnerable state possible and what have you done?"

"Comfort you! Love you! What else?!"

"How can you put up with my feelings but completely ignore your own?! You need to fix yourself before you even think to help me!"

"What are you trying to say?! That I should leave you and go through years of therapy and be apart from you?" She instantly froze in place.

"I-I don't know..." She backed away, covering her mouth with her hand. I couldn't let her breakdown in front of me again and I wasn't about to let myself be the cause of one. Not wanting to waste anymore time, my hands pressed gently against her waist, pulling her closely.

"Elleya, I may not be fully okay, but I know how to control my emotions. I'm doing it for you because, as crazy as it sounds, yes, I put you first. I don't do it because I don't care about myself at all. I know I have some internal problems I need to take care of, but I'm putting those on hold because I love you and I want to make sure you're okay." Before I knew it she was clinging to me, letting her tears stain my t shirt.

"I'm so scared. I'm scared of losing you and of trusting you and I know I probably shouldn't because all you've ever done is just be there for me."

"Don't feel bad for being scared. Everyone has fears remember? Even I have fears. But I don't want you to worry about me. I'm going to be fine and most importantly you're going to be fine too." I cupped her face, gently running my thumb across her cheek. She didn't appear to be able to force out another word, so she just nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too." There it was. Hearing those words fall so effortlessly from her mouth meant more than anything in the world. And that unbelievable part was that she didn't even realize how much she was helping me. She didn't have to ask me about my past, her just being there for me was all it took for me to feel better within seconds.

----------------------------------------------

Author's Note: So this problem was rather resolved quickly, but Katelyn is still in the mix and of course it won't be over there, because I have no chill when it comes to toying with y'all's emotions.

Lots of love! Feel free to comment you beautiful people xx.