Calculus

8. (Tobirama)

We had never been to the king's rooms so late.

It was past midnight, and I was readily drunk. I had my one arm slung across Izuna's shoulders, him holding me up. Izuna hadn't drunk anything, so he was sober as an arrow, but seemed content helping me.

"You know the way to my room?" I slurred.

"No need", Izuna said.

I looked at him, one eyebrow raised. My eyebrows tended to get their own personalities whenever I drunk, sometimes even separate ones.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Izuna looked at me. I saw two of him. Both of him were looking at me. 

"You sleep in my rooms. It's customary for the personal guard of the crown prince."

"Oh... Of course."

I had no idea. I suddenly felt incredibly flustered. Would we share room? Would we share bed? It wasn't like I'd never shared bed with someone before but... The crown prince? What if I snored? I knew I did sometimes. Would it irritate Izuna? Would it-

"Tobirama." I woke up from my thoughts. "We're here."

He opened the door, led me into the first room. It was large, full of exotic mats and fabrics, with one desk at the far end. On the desk stood several devices that looked incredibly complicated as well as some sketches that looked even more so. I walked to it, and through my drunken haze I could see advanced calculations.

"What kind of machine did you use for these formulas?" I asked, picking one up.

Izuna came up behind me, leaned his cheek on my arm. A shockwave went through my body at his gentle touch.

"My brain", he said simply.

I turned to him. He looked up at me. "Izuna, I'm sorry, I'm the one who is supposed to care for you, yet here we are. You, the crown prince, taking care for me, your simple servant, who is drunk. You probably regret me already."

He just smiled.

"No", he said simply. "You need water." He grabbed my arm and pulled. "And sleep."

The room next to this one was a bedroom, which I guessed would be mine as the bed and furniture were simple, but the one even further in was clearly his, and that was the one he brought me to. He put me down in the bed. It was big, soft, warm. I heard Izuna's soft voice, and I felt myself drifting off to sleep. Stay awake, I told myself. You can't fall asleep here. Stay awake.

But it was impossible. I had never felt so comfortable in my entire life. 

When I woke up, I was alone in his bed, still dressed. I immediately became aware of a very well-deserved headache, and put my palm to my forehead and groaned. But then, images of the night crept up to me, and I immediately forgot all about the headache. Izuna's sweet voice as he spoke to me. His soft singing voice; he'd started singing to me when he realised there was no chance of me sitting up to drink the water he'd brought. The many times I'd woken up of him moving next to me, also completely dressed, still entirely in black. How I'd chuckled and carefully nibbled at his earlobe, half asleep, and how he'd laughed.

My God, did all of that really happen?

I smiled like a fool, rolled over to my back and stretched. I checked a clock on the wall; it was in the midst of breakfast, so he was probably there. As his personal guard, it wouldn't be strange if I went there looking for him without my armour. I stood up, washed my face in the sink and went out of my new room.

Izuna wasn't at breakfast. There was only the king and queen at the high table, and the rest of the court, or at least the ones who'd managed to drag themselves out of bed so early. The breakfasts required only two guards at the door, not the long row that were present at dinners, which was lucky since I believed most guards were in a similar state as I was after yesterday night. The king looked in a better mood than I'd seen him since the death of his son, probably an effect of spending time with the guards last evening, but of Izuna, there was no sign.

I swallowed and stepped forwards to the high table. The king looked up at me, and when he saw me, his face lit up.

"Tobirama, my boy! Where is my son?"

I felt dread clench at my heart.

"I was hoping to ask you the same."

The king furrowed his bushy brows.

"I saw him this morning. We conversed, then he said he would go for a walk. He said he'd be back for breakfast. He's never late."

I swallowed.

"I'll go look for him."

I turned and walked away, shame burning my cheeks. I was failing so miserably! I shouldn't have drunk last night! I should've followed the crown prince for his morning walk! How could I have been so selfish? I went to my old room and fetched my coat, then stepped out. The autumn air was chilly but I welcomed its cool against the hot panic I was feeling. 

I had no idea where the crown prince could've gone. I began by looking in the courtyard where I'd seen him light his lightbulb, but it was empty. I went to the weapon shed, knowing it would be fruitless as the young prince didn't train to be a soldier as the late prince had done, but had stopped when he was a child. I went to the forest, desperately calling his name. But I couldn't find him anywhere. The panic inside me was raised to a frenzy, and I had begun hyperventilating.

I need to calm down, I thought. I need to go somewhere and sit down and THINK.

I walked to a high cliff that was protruding out over the ocean that covered the west border of the capital, where the view was splendid and the winds marvellous yet unforgiving. I would sit there for a while, I thought, collecting my thoughts. At the decision to give myself some time, I could already feel my brain starting to work in a calmer, smoother fashion, as if someone had oiled the cogwheels and cleaned them from rust so they now spun with ease. It would be a good idea to go back to his rooms first, I thought as I was climbing the cliff to its top. We had probably just walked past each other. If he wasn't there, I would go around the castle, then back to his rooms before looking outdoors once more.

I rounded a corner, came to the top of the cliff hat reached out into the ocean.

I stopped dead.

There he was.

Izuna was there.

No...

I screamed a row of incomprehensible vows.

I threw myself forwards.

And I ran towards him with all my might.