When The Sun Shines

grief again?

*Trigger warning : depiction of blood , death , self harm. If you can get triggered , please refrain from reading! 
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Hoseok POV
10:53 pm

Taehyung and I finally reach y/n's place. I knock on the door but no response. Holding the pizza box in one hand , i unlock the door.

"y/n-ah , im home...." i scream hoping she'll here me
no response. is she sleeping?
I hastily walk towards her room clutching onto the box of pizza . The door left ajar. 
"Y/N-AHHH" i scream at the top of my lungs clutching my hair as the box drops from my hands.

She lay on the bathroom floor , motionless , blood dripping from her hands that clutch onto a knife. The white dress i bought for her stained in her own blood. 
I run towards her, tears streaming down my face as my voices cracks "y/n-ah"

Taehyung comes into the room with a concerned face. He quickly runs up to me looking at the state of y/n.
"AAAAAGHH , HOBI HYUNG , Y/N-AHH" he screamed even louder , tears streaming from his face as well as he slumps down in shock.

Crying , i check for her pulse. Its there , its there!
"her pulse....its there tae" I hastily wipe of my tears as i carry her motionless body in my arms , while Taehyung  supports her legs on the other side.

12:20 pm , at the University Hospital ER 

I slump down , sadly smiling as images of her and namjoon replay in my mind. My head felt like it was going to blast. 

My hands stained with her blood.
I wince in pain once i remember the state she was in when i saw her on the bathroom floor covered in her own blood. 
I...this is happening AGAIN. I couldn't save either of them. 
Suddenly i jolt up from my seat when i see Dr.Min , my professor and the doctor who took y/n in. Taehyung gets up too and joins my side
"how's she doing sir?" i tremble 
"Hoseok , she's doing fine , she's just sleeping..its a case of self harm. Lost some blood , but you can go meet her now after we shift her to the ward"

ahh...she didn't leave me. i sigh to myself , wiping away my tears. I walk into the room , my heart wincing in pain seeing her laying on the bed for the second time.
"y/n-ah , you scared me " i whisper silently.

Dr.Min comes into the room alerting me 
"Hoseok , we need to talk" he says , a tone of concern clear in his voice
Inside his office , i sit quietly as he enters the room
"Hoseok , I'm afraid ill have to report this to the police"
"but doctor , its just a case of self harm right?" 
" yes , but the cut was deep , almost made with suicidal tendencies"
"but sir...she isn't stable right now , could you let it slide?-" i ask concerned. The last thing she'd need is a file suit. 
"dr.min , could you do anything at all?" i ask , eyes pleading.

"fine , i'll write it under accidents although the cut was deep and probably with suicidal thoughts ."
"thank you dr.min , thank you so much"
" but after she gets discharged , take her to Dr.Jeon Jungkook , he is the head of psychiatry ,  she was suicidal at a point , we don't need another instance of that happening"
"yes dr.min , i know him ...."
"okay good , get an appointment with him for her as soon as she gets discharged"
"yes doctor"
"also a week later , if her injuries will be fine and she is okay , you can take her home , but for such people , it might trigger them. Being home to their hectic life , and there might be blood , so maybe clean up her house and remove anything that might possibly trigger her....any knives , photos.....anything at all at the earliest."
"ah yes doctor."
"and also , the day she's ready to go home , a health worker will have a conversation with her after she wakes up and..."
"i dont think so she is ready for such a conversation doc..."
"i get you hoseok , but this is treatment protocol...we need her to reflect on it and dont worry , the person who will be talking to her is my colleague and under Mr.Jeon . She will just have a small conversation. It wont be recorded , so dont worry about it. Just mention it to her.....ok?" he pat my shoulder comfortingly.
"okay sir , thank you!"  i smile

y/n POV

I wince in pain as  my eyes readjust to the light. My eyelids feel heavy.  I scan the place as i find Hoseok sitting at the corner of the room with listlessly looking around, just like how we met the first time at the hospital  . He senses me moving and almost immediately join my side. 

"hobi.." i whisper , tears streaming from my face once i realize everything that might have happened.
"y/n-ah its okay" he simply smiles but his voice hoarse , almost like he had been crying. 
I hold his hand , clutching it tightly , our fingers curling.
"hobi...im- im sorry i scared you" 
"its okay y/n-ah , just sleep , you should get some rest" he says with a warm smile , patting my hair.
"im sorry...' i say before i doze off again.

One week later

The guilt I'm holding from the attempt is killing me inside. But I'm never going to try disappearing again.  I've gone through so much before , but I don't know , maybe these recent events , moments of pure disappointment was the last thing i needed to pull the trigger. I know I'm not supposed to blame myself for what i did. It was grief , anger , sadness and just a lot of emotions that overwhelmed me and i wanted to cope up with it. It was foolish of me to think just leaving them and running away from them. And i didn't even think of Hobi and Taehyung. That was immature of me....

Just then Hoseok entered the room with Dr. Min interrupting my thoughts. 
"hey y/n , how are you doing today?"
"I'm doing well " i said. Although i had lots of emotions overcrowding my brain , our brains always set this positive response as default.
"hmm... i think you're wound would heal quickly , and i guess you can get discharged now."
he looks at Hoseok , and then continues
"someone can pay the bill , and after that meet me in my cabin. Mrs. Choi ...she's my friend and we will be just having a chat with you ,  okay y/n?"
"okay Dr. Min" i responded blankly. I knew where this was going to go. Either counselling or therapy. Either ways it might benefit me although I hated how intrusive therapists can get. 

But they're supposed to be , so i guess i have no choice than to listen.