What's happening to me?? (COMPLETED)

𝐅𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥♡

The act of healing takes along time. It comes with alot of good but also a lot of bad. Their are times when you feel happy about your growth and there are other days for hating yourself when you allowed certain things to go on during the times when you were weak, but ultimately the path of healing is one of the best paths you can be on.

It has been 3 weeks since Beyonce has been in the mental hospital and the time has been tough on both of the girls. Bey has been getting the help she needs but sometimes all she truly wanted was to lay in Nicki's arms while she told her everything was going to be okay and she could fight whatever she was going through like she usually did. She didn't have much motivation most days but the though of coming home to her nika made her get up and get the help she needed because she knew the outcome would be so beautiful. Nicki has been trying to stay as positive as she could be but it was hard. She felt all the motions guilty, sad, mad, angry and even a little bit of happy. She also had thoughts of not wanting to be herr anymore, but she knew she had to be strong. Not only for herself but for Bey she couldn't leave her or let her down like that. She went into intense therapy for some time to get her mind strong. She viewed it through the lenses of crying out for help and getting the help she needed and deserved. She deserved to feel loved, happy and appreciated. She deserved to not feel alone and thinking she had no one there for her. Nicki was going to be there for her and doing everything to the best of her ability to show up everyday for her girlfriend and that was a promise.

Nicki had been doing some research on how to treat people when they first came out of the mental hospital and came up and stumbled across the idea of making her a safe room. She made it consists of paintings of women on the wall, her favorite albums, plants, and all spiritual good healing things. She made sure to leave some blank canvases and paint in case Bey was having a bad day and wanted to paint. Her most favorite albums hung on the wall and she bought a vinyl player that sat on a desk when she wanted to play them. She got her some journals and some pens and pencils for when she wanted to express her feelings through words. She put some encouraging quotes on the wall that she really thought resonated with Bey and also some of Bey's most beautiful pictures with her smiling brightly so she never forget how happy she can be and how amazing it can look. She also bought some sage and incense incase she ever wanted to clear the energy. Last but not least she put a booth with headphones and a little recording space in cause she ever needed to sing how she felt. Although Nicki couldnt do it alone and had some help she made sure she was very hands on.

She also seen that they are in their most vulnerable space almost as if they are a new born baby born again. This experience taught Nicki to be more patient and more understanding then always popping off and getting upset because during this time she knew she never wanted to push her away or make her feel un wanted she simply couldn't she was the love of her life. They say she will be very clingy and always wanting to be with her. Nicki doubted it but was prepared more or less. During this time Nicki has been educating herself more on mental health and what you really go through so she could fully understand beyond her own experiences.

Nicki has been in the studio alot more lately and all she could find herself making love songs she chuckled at herself at the realization she felt like a simp but never the less the feeling was amazing. Having this much time apart made her realize she wanted to live with her and not her own she made the impulsive decision of moving out because she thought that was the best thing to do with out even consulting Bey and that simply wasnt right for their relationship. After the police and stuff she had a clean up crew and cleansed the space and changed up a few things different sheets and bedding and all of that sorts and she's spent most of her time there. Also occasionally going out with her sisters because they really wanted to make sure she was okay more than anything. Even after Kelly found out about all this she made sure to comfort Nicki during this time. She even took upon herself and told her family back in houston that wasnt really pretty but she made sure not to let Bey know any of this so she didnt worry.