Collection of Patrochilles Shorts

Meet the Family

"Stop freaking out," Patroclus chided, placing a bottle of wine next to the neat array of crackers and cheese on their coffee table. Achilles had spent nearly 45 minutes arranging the food just so, then rearranging, and rearranging again... He swore Achilles had choked out a sob when the cheese had started melting and Pat had to rush out and buy a pre-made platter.

"I am not freaking out. I don't 'freak out'," Achilles hissed back, arms crossed a smidge too tight to be considered casual. His red sweater was pulled taught across his chest and arms, seams looking for all the world like they'd split at any moment. Patroclus glanced down at him, unamused.

"Sure, and what time is Santa arriving this year?" he quipped and watched as Achilles fought the urge to snarl. "Look, it's just your parents and my dad. We'll chat for a couple hours and then they'll leave. No harm, no foul."

"You've never seen my parents in a room together, Pat," Achilles said, foot now bouncing rapid fire against their hardwoods. "My mother tried to gouge my father's eyes out with a fork at three separate dinners. Three. He lit her favorite plant on fire out of spite. There will be harm and there will be foul." Pat's face scrunched up, caught somewhere between alarm and amusement. Achilles was briefly distracted by how his curls bounced as he sat down, and his expression would've been cute if Achilles wasn't deathly serious. "It's not funny, babe."

Patroclus wound an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. "I know, but it'll be fine. We'll stick to light subjects and I'll have Briseis call with an emergency if things get too rough. My dad's great at breaking tension, too," Pat said, and Achilles rolled his eyes. Ever the optimist.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Achilles sighed.

"Consider me warned," Patroclus said, smiling at him like everything would be okay and that this stupid family gathering wasn't going to end in broken furniture and emotional scarring.

"Kiss me to calm me down?" Achilles asked, tugging at one of Patroclus' curls teasingly. Pat only laughed, but obliged. The kiss was soft, short and did absolutely nothing to quell the rapid beating of Achilles heart.

The sudden knock on the front door almost sent him into cardiac arrest. "Coming!" Patroclus called, springing up from the couch. He paused in the entryway, straightening out his white button down, before pulling the door open. "Thetis! It's so nice to meet you," Patroclus said as his mother stepped inside, disapproval already written across her face. She hummed in acknowledgment.

"Hey mom," Achilles said, rising to greet her. She frowned harder, tossing her coat at Patroclus without looking back. He caught it with an 'oof' before hanging it on the coatrack to his left.

"Achilles," she said, but made no move to embrace her son. He'd learned very early on that she wasn't the 'touchy' type. "I assume business negotiations are going well?" she asked, arching one perfect brow.

Achilles suffered a brief flashback of his last meeting with Hector, the head of a rival company--pens had started flying and the free donuts laid out on the conference table were unfortunate collateral. "Yes, they're going great," he said, gesturing for her to take a seat in one of the arm chairs. She shot him a flat look and remained standing.

"He's excellent at his job, I'm certain that everyone at the company loves him," Patroclus interjected, walking over and taking Achilles hand. Thetis glanced at their joined hands, face carefully blank.

"Fear works better than love in business," she said, and Achilles' grip on Pat's hand tightened to the point of pain.

"We're not having this conversation again, mom," Achilles said, giving her a tight smile. She smiled back and a chill crawled down Patroclus' spine. He really, really hoped she'd stop smiling soon because it was perhaps the most terrifying expression he'd ever seen.