Don't Touch Me, Hold My Hand

1

My face was tired of fake smiling all day long.

My first day of senior year and I'd done nothing but cheese my way through every class. And the pictures my mom wanted this morning. And the hallways because I was trying to appear confident and happy. And the lunchroom because I was trying to hide how awkward I felt having to look for a seat. And now this class, my last one of the day.

I actually hadn't enrolled myself in it, the school had put me there thanks to the overflow in the other study halls and my conflicting schedule. I looked at the name of the class again, pulling out my phone and squinting to read the small print: Study Hall Abridged; Personal Life Observation and Intervention. What in the-

"Hey, I know you."

Grey eyes. Dark hair. Tall frame.

Currently standing in front of me with an expectant look on his face.

I blinked.

"Um, yeah, hey Liam." I said hesitantly, raising my eyebrows and tilting my head a little. Where was this going?

He was directly addressing me, just me! In the hallway. With no one else around...but he looked like he wanted me to say something else?

"I...know you too?" I offered, mentally cringing at how awkward I was making this interaction. He probably was just making small talk, and there I was making it weird.

He laughed at my failed attempt at conversation. He laughed! That had to mean all was not lost in my pursuit of not being awkward, right?

"Right, so. You going in?" Liam rocked back and forth on his heels. I watched the brown waves in his hair flop in and out of his eyes. He'd grown it out, I could only assume for senior year. It was the longest I'd seen it.

I nodded, my eyebrows still raised.

Then something clicked.

"Wait, are you going in? You have this class?" I thought we didn't have any classes together this year.

Liam laughed a little and threw his head back in understanding.

"Yes, yeah, I'm in this class too." He stared down at me with an amused look in his eyes. I didn't want to think about what he was seeing, so I looked away and sighed.

"I just hope the teacher doesn't assign a lot of homework. I really needed this to be a study hall." I said as we walked inside.

"No, same. I'm still in a lot of generals since I spaced them all out so much." Liam told me what I already knew.

"Right." I said back, nodding at him, but also trying to find a place to sit.

I finally took an intentional look at the classroom and realized how small the class was. I knew a few of the girls, but not all of them, and there were only four boys apart from Liam. I guess we were all the last ones to have our schedules made. Oh well, small classes were usually more enjoyable anyways.

I decided to sit next to Amy since I had a couple other classes with her, and we always worked well together. She smiled at me and waved before going back to whatever she was working on. I liked Amy, she never felt the need to please anyone. She just existed as herself and allowed life to stretch around her. Back in junior high a group of us in English had agreed she was the Luna Lovegood of our grade, and I still think the connection stands.

I pulled out the book I was reading since it was only the first day of school and no one had assigned homework yet. The five-minute bell was ringing, but I figured I could at least get a scene or two read.

I heard laughing as I opened to my bookmark and looked up to two of the boys high-fiving across the aisle to hinder Liam from being able to sit down. I smirked and shook my head a bit. Boys are so entertaining. At first, Liam just stared at the two boys, one of whom I knew was named Max, but when he realized they weren't going to move their arms, he dramatically swung his arms forward and pretended to use the force to get them to move.

They played along, using their own force against Liam, but ultimately losing, and, laughing, Liam made his way down the aisle to sit beside Max and behind the boy I didn't know.

I turned back to my book, but by that point the teacher had made her way from her desk to the front of the room and closed the door. Facing the class, she addressed our small group with an energized tone.

"Hello!" She began, clasping her hands in front of her and twisting from side to side as she looked at everyone. "I'm Dr. Lakyns, and this is Personal Life Observation and Intervention, so if that is not on your schedule, this is not where you need to be. If that's any of you, I'll be happy to write a note for you so that your actual teacher doesn't count you tardy. Anyone?" She gave us a moment to make sure we were in the right place.

"Oh, great!" She said once no one made any move to leave. She walked back over to her desk and began sifting through different stacks of paper.

Her blonde hair was in beach waves that traveled so far down her back I guessed she could probably sit on it. Her outfit consisted of a cropped pink tank top, ripped jeans, a flowing pink floral cardigan, and chunky heels. Dude. She looked cool. And young, I thought, as I took in the slightly chubby shape of her face and her bright blue eyes sparkling behind thin cat-eye classes. The school must have hired her fresh out of college. Interesting, that they'd allow her to teach a class so close to her age.

Dr. Lakyns walked back to the front of the room, this time holding one of the stacks of papers. We stared at her, she stared back with a gleam in her eye.

"I know none of you enrolled in this class willingly; the school told me you guys were the overflow from the other study halls. And that's okay. I think we're going to have fun together, regardless." She began walking between the desks to pass out a paper to everyone.

I told her thank you and looked down to see what possible assignment she'd decided to give on the first day. How Loved Are You? in bold letters stared back at me from the top of the page. My eyebrows furrowed and I blinked, but that's definitely what the page said. I glanced at Amy's paper and her's said the same thing. How loved am I? I don't know, probably about average? A considerably good amount?

My parents weren't very expressive, but they kept me warm and fed. They attended all my events, back when I participated in things. My brother Isaac got on my nerves, but I got on his, and we both knew if it came down to it, we'd be there for the other if they really needed it. The thing was, no one in my family ever really needed it. We were pretty independent. Just four separate ecosystems existing amongst each other.

But I was loved. I'd never questioned it before.

I tuned back in to whatever Dr. Lakyns was saying. Basically that she knew this was a loaded question, she just wanted our honest answers of how loved we thought we were. "It intrigues me." she'd said.

I decided to write down the basics, essentially that I was well-taken care of, had a warm place to sleep every night, and I was fed regularly. I added that my family took trips together and everyone went to everyone's events in support. When I was done, I'd written barely a paragraph, but I'd said all that I needed to say.

How loved was I? Enough.

I was loved enough.

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Author's Note:

YAYAYAYAYAYAY FIRST CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

v v excited.

love everyone!!!

gumdrop <3