The Little Things

Fleeting Feelings

September 3, 2021
01:27
    I'm really excited about going to the lake tomorrow. Especially since I get to see Riley again. On top of that, it'll be a year since I first went to the lake with him. I haven't been to Rough River with him often, just two other times, but it feels like I've been going there with him for as long as I can remember. Pretty cool, really.
    I always have fun there, too. Phoebe is driving me this time, which will probably be a little awkward, but maybe we'll bond more. I like her. She's the only one in his immediate family that I'm more distant with, and it's really only because I see her a lot less than everyone else. I think she's nice, though. The last time I was around her, we were playing drinking games together, and that was a lot of fun.
    My goal, essentially, is to have good relationships with the whole family. Hopefully that will always be the case, and it looks like it will be. I love all of them. They genuinely taught me what family is supposed to be like.

September 6, 2021
21:09
    Back from the lake. Once again, I hate it here. But, I do know that I have to try and stay here at college and stick it out. If I want the life I dream about, then I gotta go through it.
    At the moment, unfortunately—but maybe also fortunately—I got myself high. Only just now got all sappy instead of earlier. Damn homie.
    Anyway, I hope time goes by fast these next couple of years. I want a life with Riley and to be able to make it by and just be happy. Wouldn't that be nice?
    I am happy, too, though. Even though I don't express it as often while I'm at school, I'm glad I'm where I'm at now. Riley's the best thing that's ever happened to me. At least the life I'm living now is leading somewhere amazing.
    Love you, my favorite guy :) I miss you right now, too.

September 8, 2021
00:34
    Well, my handwriting in that last entry is an absolute wreck. Reasonably so. Despite those negative emotions I laid out on that page, I still had fun. Riley and I FaceTimed all night, too, which we never do, but it was nice. As soon as I started talking to him, I stopped my little freak out episode.
    To be fair, my suite-mate had just told me she was COVID positive an hour after I'd taken the edible, so I was like: "Oh shit oh fuck" for another hour after that. Tried to keep my mind off it with music though, and the tunes were indeed a vibe. I got so tired so quick though, and maybe it was the fact that I'd been driving all day, but smoking does make me tired. Luckily, Riley was there for me and I was able to sleep soundly instead of sitting there panicking about COVID. (Side note: sleep is so good when you're high).
    But uh, today was back to stress and anxiety. Yay. School is so awful that I'm actually excited about going home to work this weekend. That, and I actually get paid to work.
    Surprisingly enough, I'm tired right now. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep. I have that therapy appointment tomorrow, so I'm a little nervous. I hope it goes well.
    I guess I'm going to bed, then. Currently gonna pray I get through this, and then maybe I won't be so stressed.