Love That Hurts

Love that hurts: Chapter 19

-Gabriella's POV:-

“Dear Gabriella,

You may think of this to be a sorry letter and all that mushy shit. But it’s far from it. In fact it’s more of a personal outlet-hate letter. Yeah. That’s a perfect way to describe this. A hate letter. Because that second word, describes exactly how I feel about you.

I’ve never wanted a child. Far from it. In fact I always hoped I miscarriage but I guess God had other plans. Even when I tried to “accidently” trip, fall or bump into things. I guess it was destined I give birth to you.

For so long I had just wanted you dead but in the end it was me giving up and leaving.

Not because I was fed up of life. But because I didn’t understand or grasp the concept of why you were outside free and pain free whilst we, me and my husband, were stuck in these cells unable to give you the punishment you need. Because I couldn’t get the chance to either hurt you or fuck your father, I believe that there was no purpose of me to live.

You see the blood on this page?

Yeah that’s from where I bit into my wrists and fingers.

Why?

Oh because I simply wanted my “daughter” to have something memorable of me.

My blood.

Do you remember the time when you fell off the slide at the park? And broke your arm and grazed both knees and scratched and ripped your shoes?

Yeah I had bribed a kid to push you.

Do you remember the time when you ate the meat that turned out to be 40% cooked? And you ended up in hospital?

My excuse was that you helped yourself to the meat.

But in fact I had given it to you and forced you with it when you kept refusing.

Do you remember the time when I used a nail to graze your palms?

Yeah that was so that you couldn’t use your hands for a while.

So I wasn’t exactly the best mother.

But I wasn’t the worst.

I could’ve done more.

For instance, I should’ve ignored when you were pushed off of the slide.