Odd one out

Secret scars

Ryder and I stood there for at least ten minutes. I was trying to get ahold of myself. Suddenly I got the urge, the one that I have avoided for 3 months, but I couldn't avoid it any more. I thought coming here would make it go away for good. But I was wrong. I let go of Ryder's grasp
"I'm gonna go take a shower" I say without looking him in the eye.
"Are you sure you're ok?" He asks with concern in his voice
"Ya I'm sure I say " I almost run into the bathroom before the tears start to pool again. I turn on the shower and grab my makeup bag. I dig around until I feel a thin metal object against my finger I pull it out. I take off my clothes and jump into the shower with this object in hand. I take it and press the cold metal against my skin and slide the blade across my wrist. I do this twice on my wrist and twice on each thigh. I see the little beads of blood form into lines, I feel the relief of being able to control what I feel. I finish my shower and change into my p.j's and a hoodie. I sit on my bed and Blaire 5sos in my ears. The cuts are starting to sting a bit, but I ignore it. There is a knock on the door "who is it?" I ask, taking my headphones out of my ears. I see Elie walk into the "hey are you ok?" "Ya I am fine" I lie. I start fiddling with the elastic around my wrist. I do it when I have anxiety attacks. "Are you sure?" Elie asks I could tell she was concerned. I was about to answer when Lou yelled that it was 10:00pm, are weekday curfew. Elie leaves the room still looking unsure but I am just glad she is gone. I lay in bed and I here Lucy come in, I turn to face the wall. She doesn't say a word she just turns out the lights and I lay there crying myself to sleep.

I wake up to the sun shining through the window. It is Saturday so I have no classes. I wake up and go into the bathroom to have a shower, do my make up and get changed. After I get ready I make my way down stairs and u can smell the breakfast that Beth had made up. I feel the stares as I walk in the room, but I try to ignore it. I look up to see that the only seats not taken is the one at the end of the table by Ryder and Alex  and the one on his other side between him and Elie. I go to sit at the end of the table just because it was the closest one to me but as soon as I sit I here someone clear there throat and tap my shoulder. I turn around to see Lucy glaring at me. "that's my seat" she says in a tone that could make a grown man pee his pants. without hesitation I move seats to scared of the future  outcomes of arguing with her.