Bellezza Swan | A Carlisle Cullen Love Story

Chapter Fifteen: Letter

          Carlisle's POV: What the fuck was I thinking?! I was just supposed to treat her and leave. That's it! I slept with her! I drank her blood, again! I almost bit her, for fuck's sake! I crossed a line and took it too far! I have to go to Canada. I can't stay with her. She's asleep now. I can leave and not look back.

          I gently shifted to let her go and she moaned in her sleep, "Car..lisle.."

          Fuck. I brushed her hair out of her beautiful face. She's so warm and she's been through so much. She's alive. I told her that I wanted to be with her forever. I meant it. She wants to spend her life with me but.. I stroked her cheek and she was in a deep sleep. When was the last time that she slept in her bed? When she opened the door for me, I was extremely worried. She lost weight, her hair isn't as full or healthy as it was before, her eyes were tired, and her lips were cracked. I'm glad I brought extra IV bags and her dinner.

          When I looked in her fridge to put her leftovers away, it was full of expired things. That's it. I'll just clean up her place and then I'll have thought through how to break the news to her. I'm not a fan of one night stands with the stories I've heard, but I know she'll change my mind if she wakes up. I sat on the edge of her bed and got dressed. She caught me off guard with that kiss. She's stronger than she looks. I rubbed the back of my neck and looked at her again. Her breathing was normal and she truly is beautiful. Her skin is so soft and her feminine attributes were generously pleasurable. I grinded my teeth angrily. Just clean up her apartment and leave. That's all you have to do, Carlisle.

          I leaned over and kissed her forehead, "I love you, kitten."

          She smiled softly and rolled to her side. I chuckled seeing my handprint on her buttcheek but immediately hated myself for it. I went too far. I could have seriously hurt her. I almost bit her. I stood up and went to her bathroom to freshen up. Her mirror was shattered and the shard was still in the sink. She tried to save me from getting hurt. She really is a sweet girl. I sighed and splashed my face with cold water.

          When I finished, I went to the kitchen and living area. It was a mess. She had newspaper clippings of the animal attack coverage. Why was she doing this to herself? Treading lightly around piles of things, I saw her little nest of used wads of tissues and candy wrappers. How human of her. These are her favorite sweets, too. I went under her kitchen sink and found a trash bag. I didn't mind picking up for her. Maybe it was my guilt of leaving her alone that made me want to do this for her.

          I picked up the trash in the room and left the bag by the front door. I needed another bag for the spoiled food in her fridge. When I went to pick up the old clothes and towels around the room, I stopped in my tracks when I looked at the balcony door. Everything in my arms fell and I felt limp. With heavy feet, I slowly made my way to her table. The rose I gave her was in pristine condition. She took care of this? Why? Why did she take care of this so well when she was suffering so much? I don't understand. What makes this more important than her own health? I stepped closer and noticed scribbled lines on sheets of papers and crumpled paper balls beside the potted plant. Also on the table was a letter and my curiosity got the best of me. I sat on the couch and read it.

"Dear Carlisle,

          You've been more than a doctor to me. I'm sorry how immature this may be but I've always had feelings for you. Ever since I first met you, I couldn't help but feel attracted to you. Forgive me if I'm overstepping any professional lines but I can't contain any of my feelings anymore. I love you, Carlisle. I've been in love with you for a while now. After working so closely with you, I've noticed the small things you do. Did you know that you smile without making eye contact when you lie? I always admired how hard you work year round and you've inspired me to be a better nurse. You've educated me so well as a doctor and I can't express how grateful I am to you.

          Carlisle, I'm sorry for yelling at you. I didn't mean to hurt you. Please forgive me. You tried to save my beloved twin sister. Thank you. In the moment, you were still looking out for me. I trust you. I love you. I know I'm much younger than you but it meant the world to me that you have feelings for me. I promise that I'll do what I can to give you the love you deserve. There were days that you seemed lonely when you looked at couples and I wanted to hold your hand and look up at you as your love instead of your partner. I don't know if you would want that, especially on the job, but if you'll have me, I want to be by your side. You're my new dream.

With all my love,

Bellezza Swan"

          I sat there, speechless. Tears hit the paper and I didn't even realize I was crying until then. She truly loves me. Can I really leave her now knowing this? Would she ever forgive me if I broke her heart? Can I live another century knowing that she'll be hurt because of me? I forgot the last time that I cried. I've never been in love like this before. I've never experienced a love like this, nor an intimacy like this before either. It was overwhelmingly fantastic. She's an amazing lover.

          How much longer can I put off moving? If I don't leave soon, they'll come back. Alice might have already seen different futures with her in it. I don't know what to do. I've always been able to be careful about our exposure. I've always been able to take care of myself and my coven, as well as refraining from feeding on human blood. I sniffled and put the letter back with the rose plant.

          I.. I can't leave her. I have to tell her the truth. When she wakes up, I need to tell her the truth. For now, I need to clean up her apartment and tell her the truth. I love her. I've never loved like this before. If she knows the truth, then we will both see if her feelings change.

          I called out of work for the day and temporarily left to go shopping for her. I knew enough about her to buy her the basics for now. With the money I've made over the centuries, it reminded me of being human to go grocery shopping again. When was the last time that I did this? I need to make this up to her. I'll do something truly special to convey how I feel about her. {END}