Always and Forever

Please, Margret

The car came to a screeching stop. It almost happened in slow motion. One moment everything is fine, and the next, his car is stopped in the middle of the street. I can feel his eyes on me. I am lost for words. How do I recover from that? Maybe I'm not as sober as I thought.

"I'm sorry, what?" he said, his voice suddenly deep and severe.

"I... I don't know why I said that! I'm drunk. Can we please just go home?"

"No. This car is staying put until you explain what you just said"

Oh, god. This is my worst nightmare. I just told the boy I have been in love my whole life that I was thinking about him during my first kiss? Somebody sedate me.

"I said I was thinking about you. You suddenly march back into my life after three years of no contact, and you expect me not to be overwhelmed and confused? I don't even know why you came home! I am happy to see you. I am, but when you left, I lost my best friend and that hurt. So yes, I was thinking about you. What do you even want from me, Luke?" Suddenly every unspoken feeling, besides the fact that I am possibly in love with him, slipped from my mouth. "Now, can we please just go home"? I finish with a deep sigh, and the car starts rolling.

"Okay... I am sorry I aksed". He responds after about a minute of driving in silence. That minute was the tensest minute of my life.

The air in the car was suddenly thick; it had absorbed all the tension between my speech and his response. I roll down my window and rest my head on the back of the seat. The cool was so refreshing. Not being able to take the silence anymore, I turn on the radio. I don't care what song is on; I just need something other than the silence.

I wonder what is going to happen when we get back to his place? Why did he care so much about why I was thinking about him? Why didn't he respond with anything better than "sorry I asked." These questions are eating at me the whole car ride home. I always thought that when Luke came back from school, I wouldn't even know. As I said, we had no contact for three years, so I never thought he would care enough to talk to me again if he didn't care enough to text me happy birthday once a year.

Finally, we pulled into Luke's driveway. We both stay silent as we enter his house and make our way back up the stairs. I decide to break the silence.

"I don't feel like sleeping," I mutter as he closes the door behind him. He smiled at me.

"Cool, me neither, can we just like watch a movie or tv or something?" he said in return.

After this, the thick air we had been in seemed to thin out. I could breathe around him again. He offered me a pair of his pajamas, and we both changed. I loved the way his clothes smelled; I loved the way his clothes consumed me. The gesture of wearing his clothes felt so intimate to me even though it was only clothes. Looking at myself in his bathroom mirror, I was engulfed in my imagination and the relationship that would never be.

I walk out of the bathroom to find luke in his boxers. Immediately I flipped back around and apologize. Of course, Luke being Luke, he just laughed at me and told me to come in. I think he noticed I was uncomfortable and got up to get a shirt.

" Maggies, you know most guys don't sleep with a shirt on," he remarked, pulling on what looked to be an old athletics t-shirt from the boarding school.

"Well, Luke, we aren't sleeping yet, right?" I just smiled back. I am not going to lie; I am a bit sad he put a shirt on. I couldn't stop admiring his body. He was nicely toned, and the way he pulled the shirt on, I couldn't help but stare at his back muscles flexing. As he turned around, I quickly looked down at my hands. I hope he didn't see that.