MY: FIL

02: Let Hyung take care of you, Yoongi-yah

***

Kim Seokjin

Min Yoongi is no longer only a brother to me. He is no longer just someone I work with, a bandmate, and he is no longer someone I consider a friend; Yoongi is more than that.

I used to see him only as one of my six younger brothers, whom I like to take care of. Our relationship had always been brother to brother even though we weren't related; as someone older, it is part of my instincts to protect and care for younger people. But now, when I have finally realized my true feelings that exceeded the very nature of friendship that I thought I had with him and turned out to be love, not just as a brother and a friend but as a person.

My heart beats for him ⸺ my heart beats for one named Min Yoongi.

There are many things that I want to say about him and my feelings for him, but whenever I think of something, any word at all, nothing comes out of my mouth. I may be a man of many words when it comes to the things that I am confident about ⸺ like my feelings for Yoongi, but just by thinking about him, my mind goes blank, and I get distracted.

People may only see my affection for him as a younger brother. I think that is better than for them to believe that I see him as a lover because at this point, I don't even know if he's into me ⸺ not that nobody would ever be not into me but back to the point, we already know that Yoongi's preferences exceed just one gender so there could be a chance, but I don't want to assume. I don't want to lose the bond I have with him just because of my feelings for him being rejected.

As the oldest, I should have better control of my feelings and shouldn't even be feeling this way for my own bandmate, but I just can't help falling for him. With his pale dumpling cheeks turning pink, his pretty eyes sparkle whenever he sees the food that I make every single morning for the group, his pretty eyelashes that flutter, Yoongi's rosy lips, and his adorable gummy smile that I love seeing every single day. The jokes that I make usually make him smile, and I would do anything just to see him happy every day.

God, I'm falling deeper than I expected.

I am certain that he is more than just a brother to me and had only just realized how my heart yearns for the man that I am beginning to love beyond life itself.

Yoongi is special to me, the person I'm falling for, and I am not doing anything to stop my heart from drowning in the ocean of one named Min Yoongi.

Slowly but surely, you're carving your own place in my heart.

When did I finally admit to myself that the feeling that I have in my heart whenever I think of him is more than friendship?

It was on that day.

We just finished a very hectic schedule, and we are now back in our dorms after touring two continents for about two months. As promised, our company gave us a week off before we start preparing for interviews, performances, and new choreography for our new album. God knows when we're going to have a rest period again, so we might as well take advantage of what we are given now.

It has been five days since I last saw my band members, and although I am resting and taking care of myself, for the time being, I couldn't help but worry for my other bandmates. I know that they are all old enough to take care of themselves, but we have been spending our time together for years that I am used to taking care of them like a parent should to their children.

My mind keeps wandering whenever I do some chores around my apartment since I couldn't do it in about three months. I just visited my family, who is staying in Seoul right now for three days, and I am now back in my apartment to give myself some alone time. It might hurt to say this, but because there are so many of us in the dorm, we cannot physically have privacy a lot since we are restricted with our space.

"Is Yoongi working again?" I asked myself when my gaze moved to my phone on the coffee table, and I paused the movie that I was watching. "He couldn't be."

Sighing, I stood up from my seat on the couch and walked to my room to get dressed into something warm since winter was coming soon and it was beginning to feel cold outside. Any day now, and it might start snowing. My heart couldn't take it anymore as I put on my shoes and locked my apartment door; I needed to check on Yoongi for myself to make sure that he wasn't overworking himself like always. Whenever we get back from a busy schedule abroad and plan to spend our time off at our own apartments, Yoongi would usually spend half of our break staying in our dorm since the company building is pretty near our dorm building.

He shouldn't be working right now.

I arrived at our dorm and immediately went to the room that I shared with him, and instead of seeing Yoongi busy with his laptop or getting ready to go to his studio, I saw him on his bed wrapped with both of our blankets. The room is awfully warm since he probably turned on the heater higher than it should be.

"Yoongi-yah," I called him, but he didn't respond.

Closing the door behind me, I walked over to his bed and knelt on the wooden floor in front of him. There, I saw his forehead sweating, his eyes shut closed, he is breathing heavily from his mouth, and he is obviously shivering, but he is already wrapped up with two thick blankets, and the heater is increased so much that I am beginning to sweat. I raised my hand and pressed the back of my palm to his forehead, and gasped, "Baby, you have a fever!"

With my voice raised, it probably woke him up, which made me feel guilty. I see him open his eyes slowly to look at me, and he pouted before saying, "Hyung."

I cooed and brushed his wet hair back because it was sticking to his forehead, and I wiped the sweat with tissue from the tissue box on the floor. I whispered to him with my palm on his cheek, "Let Hyung take care of you, Yoongi-yah."

He nodded unconsciously and leaned into my hand, humming with a smile, "Hyung is here..."

Staring at him with a slight shock, I couldn't help but smile as I hum in response, "Yeah, Hyung is here."

I want this. I want to keep taking care of Yoongi until we grow old.