01: Euphoria

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Jeon Jungkook

"Min Yoongi, he is the cause of my euphoria."

This is something that I have always wanted to say to Yoongi Hyung my entire life. I have fallen so deeply in love with him that my heart is whole, happily beating for the man that had made me feel intense euphoria than ever before. Our relationship had grown from more than just boys living under the same roof and sleeping in the same room when we were still trainees, to friends who are working together to achieve their dreams, to something more than what friendship has to offer.

Life with Yoongi Hyung has never been better. There were many times over the course of the decade that I have known him where we, as a group, as Bangtan, encountered many hardships but still, I put my faith and trusted my members because I always knew that as long as we stick together, we'll get through all of the obstacles life had given us. There were also times where problems among members erupted, and as much as we tried keeping the peace between seven men, there will always be different opinions thrown out. But every situation had made our bond stronger, and as the years go by, I am still amazed that with every passing day, I keep falling for Yoongi Hyung deeper than I had imagined.

I have fallen for Min Yoongi too deep, yet I made no plans of climbing back up from the deep and warm abyss that I have fallen into.

You are the sunlight that rose again in my life

A reincarnation of my childhood dreams

I don't know what these emotions are

Am I still dreaming?

There is a green oasis in the desert

A priori deep inside of me

I'm so happy, I can't breathe

Everything's getting blurry

As someone who was pushed under the spotlight at a very young age, I never realized how much it would affect my life and my childhood. My dreams of becoming a singer, making songs for the people who will support me and have supported me with my dreams, was all coming true, but I didn't realize that I was making a huge sacrifice. For my dreams to come true, I had to sacrifice my freedom and my childhood. All eyes were constantly on me, flashing lights, surrounded by crowds, loud noises, and hands of strangers trying to catch my attention as they tried to wave and grab me.

Everything was overwhelming for a child like me who had entered showbiz at such a young age. It was getting suffocating and exhausting to the point where I didn't know if I could keep a smile on my face any longer.

But then, Yoongi Hyung came.

He was the sunlight that rose again in my life, a reincarnation of my childhood dreams. Yoongi Hyung became one of my protectors, constantly reminding me that it's okay to still feel and act like a kid sometimes because that was what I didn't have. My emotions felt very suffocating because they were confusing me, but when he came, he had given me the peace that I never thought I needed. Yoongi Hyung was the green oasis in my vast and dry desert that quelched my neverending thirst for freedom and relief. Because of this, I had grown to learn about these strange new emotions and feelings that I have for him, and it was confusing to the point that I couldn't breathe.

Everything was getting blurry.

I hear the ocean from far away

Across the dream, past the woods

I'm following this clarityTake my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

Everything was getting blurry.

I was trying to figure out why Yoongi Hyung keeps appearing in my dreams and why I feel this way for someone who should only be seen as my friend and my brother. But even though Yoongi Hyung was the reason why I was so confused about the way I felt about him, he was also the one who had brought me the clarity I needed.

He took my hands, and I knew that he was the cause of my euphoria right then and there.

Euphoria

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

Close the door now

When I'm with you, I'm in utopia

Yoongi Hyung welcomed me with open arms. He is the cause of my euphoria, and whenever I'm with him, I know that I'm in utopia.

Were you wandering around

Looking for an erased dream too?

It's different from what destiny suggests

We share the same painful views

Won't you please stay in my dreams

Hyung was the one who taught me everything that I know about music and about the way I view my life and the life of others. I never thought that I would fall for such a man like him ⸺ a man who taught me to value not just the life of other living things but also my own life. We share the same views, may it be beautiful or painful.

I hope he stays in my dreams and keeps holding my hand.

Even if the earth crumbles

No matter who shakes this world

Don't let go of my hand

Please don't wake me up from this dream

My love for Yoongi Hyung can never be measured with how many times I admit to myself and tell him those three famous words of I love you's. Because even if the earth starts to crumble and no matter what force tries to shake this world, my only wish is for him never to let go of my hand and to never leave my dreams; for he is the only one who had kept the vast ocean at bay in my mind.

Euphoria (Euphoria, oh)

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

Close the door now

When I'm with you, I'm in utopia

Finally, after years of drowning in an ocean of worries, regrets, fears, and confusion, I have brought myself up to breathe the air of clarity and found the answer that I have been seeking.

"Min Yoongi, when I'm with him, I'm in utopia."

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