The Boy Who Broke Me

Lies

MADISON

The fighting stays just as frequent, only the subject matter has changed. Before, I could hear them arguing through the walls over a lot of different things. Every night of the week it seemed like it was something different: money, work, traveling, renovations, plans, appointments, or the house. If it existed, my parents would eventually fight about it. Now, they're still just as angry with each other, but every fight revolves around me. Whether it's how to punish me, what to say to me, or how to help me, I'm at the forefront every single time.

The first few nights it happened, I tried not to listen to it and covered my head with my pillow. It helped filter out some of it, but the most dramatic parts still came right through.

Now, I just go ahead and listen. There's no real way to ignore it anyway and I figure there's no point. In some way, I feel like I deserve it. My parents have always fought, but since we got back from the police station they have been at each other's throats. I can't pretend that it's not my fault, so I may as well endure it with them. Besides, there's nothing here to distract me.

My mom still hasn't given back my phone and I'm not allowed to talk to Emily or use my car. I haven't even been able to see Bennet at all because the hospital unit he's on won't allow visitors who aren't family. I'm feel like a prisoner in my own house, desperate for any outside information. Luckily, Ben's parents stopped by this week to give us an update, but only stayed for a minute.

Seeing them made it clear that Ben's parents are even more devastated than I imagined. Mrs. Larson looked like she hasn't slept in a week, and I could barely recognize her when they walked through the door. Normally, she always looks perfect, so it was shocking to see her that way. It was the first time I've ever seen her without makeup, her clothes were wrinkled and slept in, and her hair obviously unwashed for days. When she first walked in the door, she hugged for as tight as she could for what felt like forever, just looking into my face and nodding. She couldn't speak, but her eyes were full of tears.

After sitting down for coffee, she told us that they had been spending a lot of time at the hospital, taking turns staying with Ben. She was exhausted but said that things were starting to look better. Ben's condition was still serious but that he had been upgraded from "critical" to "critical but stable". He's not awake yet because they've been giving him some medicine that keeps him unconscious, and he has a machine that's helping him breathe, but they're hopeful that they can take him off of it soon.

While she was talking, Mrs. Larson stared down at our table the entire time. She didn't cry, but her voice was wobbly. While she was in our kitchen, I noticed her holding her coffee cup so tight that I could see her knuckles turning white. I wanted to hug her the whole time, or at least hold her hand and tell her how sorry I am, but there's always this weird tension in my house that doesn't allow it. My parents aren't exactly warm people and watching me show so much emotion in front of them would make my mom freak out all over again.

Mrs. Larson told us that the bullet went through his large intestine and that he lost a lot of blood. They fixed that with some transfusions, but he still had to have surgery and now the biggest risk is infection. Hopefully, she said, the worst is over.

She never actually drank the coffee but thanked my mom anyway and agreed to keep us in the loop. Before leaving, she reached out and squeezed my hand.

"The doctor said he wouldn't have made if you girls hadn't called the ambulance as fast as you did. Thank you."

Hearing those words made me feel so much love for her that I wished I could have had her for a mother instead of mine. While they were leaving, I wanted to run out the driveway, jump into their car, and go with them to stay at the Larson house. Even now, I wish I could have gone, because things would be different over there. If I lived with Ben's parents, I could show how I feel about everything. We could actually talk about what's going on instead of just pretending everything is fine during the day and then fighting at night. I'd be free to come and go. I wouldn't be locked inside the house all day, completely shut away from the outside world. I could spend every day with warm and caring Katie Larson instead of my own frigid mother. That, and I would always know how Ben's doing. It would be a dream, but it's never going to happen. Until I turn 18, I'm still stuck here, living in hell.