in the end ~ d. malfoy

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW BADLY YOU'VE FUCKED UP?!"

Draco does. He really does. He doesn't need Diana screaming at him to prove it. They stand in the Hospital wing, across from each other, the afternoon sunlight pouring in from the large bay windows surrounding the entrance. There's talking sounding out from inside the room; He can hear Umbridge and McGonagall arguing with each other from inside - it sounds like they're ready to stab the other person.

"Keep your voice down" he hisses, to which Diana's fury grows even more.

"Keep my voice down?! Keep my voice down?!" she screams, her shrill voice bouncing off of the walls and piercing Draco's ears, making him wince, "What is wrong with you?!"

"I-"

"You can never mind your own business, can you?!" Diana shrieks, not letting him speak, "Always trying to bring down everyone else to boost your own fucking ego!! What gave you the idea to make up that bloody song?! Did you think that reaming Ron out in front of everyone would prove that you've asserted dominance?! Well I hate to break it to you, but it made you look like a cheap, lowlife snake!!"

"Di-"

She completely loses it by now, looking like she's ready to explode, "You're an asshole, that's what you are!! What pleasure do you get out of hurting other people, huh?! And even with that, I was still able to tolerate you. But Maya?! Really?! You just had to hurt her even more?!"

Draco's jaw clenches at her words, "You don't know what you're talking about"

"Don't I?" Diana laughs bitterly, "Because it seems like I'm the only person who remotely gives a shit about her feelings. Do you even realize what she's had to go through this year?!"

"Diana - "

"Don't pretend like you've done nothing. What are you trying to prove to yourself?! That you don't care about her anymore?"

"Shut up" Draco growls, feeling himself reaching his boiling point.

Diana scoffs, "You told me you have feelings for her, but all you ever do is try to hurt her."

The words take seconds to sink in, Draco feels anger sink inside him; at himself or at Diana, he doesn't know.

"Do you " ― he scoffs, looking up at the ceiling ― "Do you seriously think I tried ― try ― to hurt her on purpose?! When the last thing I want to do is make things worse for her?? Do you think it isn't torture looking at her every day, knowing that I ruined her life because of him?? Knowing that there's nothing I can do to fix the damage??"

Diana's face falters, "Draco ―"

"I don't fucking deserve her. I'm very much aware of that. I don't even deserve to care about her ― " he gestures roughly in the direction of the hospital wing, " ― to have her constantly running through my head. I know I fucked up. Big-time. I never wanted for any of this to happen. We both know that. What I did was horrible, and cruel ― " he pauses, feeling his voice crack " ― and threw away any chance I had to prove myself. These feelings that I was undoubtedly blessed with ― " his voice snarls at the word, " ― they won't fucking go away, no matter what I do. They get worse every time I so much as look at her. And I can't tell her, can I? ― " Draco laughs bitterly, shaking his head, " ― Because I guarantee that she'll look at me like I'm some sort of monster. How do I fix things when I don't even know where to start?"

Diana is quiet for a split second; Draco's suddenly scared that he's terrified her into silence with his outburst of feelings. His heart races inside his chest, and Draco claps a hand over his mouth, breathing shakily as he wildly looks around, checking if anyone heard his words. The world around him feels like it's split open and swallowed him.