Yesterday's memory

Begining to an end

So here I am today starting a new chapter by writing a book about my personal life & all the beautiful visions of art I see for my future, there Litterally just around the corner waiting for me.
But Before I start my journey I need to start from where it all started ofcourse.
My childhood.
Above pictured, is myself and my beautiful mum
and nan when I was younger.
In my mind it's an Adventure, Where this adventure will go, no one knows, not even myself, but I do say this as i am writing to you, I'm going to take you there.
I have so many memories to share good and bad ones that I have kept vivid in my mind for many years now, I guess this is why I am writing to myself today, my personal journal, you can see what t I see and the life I have been through, I don't think it's much, but sometimes when I'm down I think it may be a lot and why I may let myself get so down, I'm such a positive person tho I'm always the first to feel and help other peoples sadness, I'm emotionally attracted to it and I feel I need to help them.

A lot of people can be depressed but honestly, It's all up to your positive mind that will get you somewhere good in the end to come. You will see..

Understand and see my visions I have and what I can only dream for my future, although I can't predict my future, only god, and the loved ones above can do that for me, I need to write them down because I feel like I'm loosing my memory more and more everyday I wake up.
Yes it's Sad but it's true, I'm only 33 but deep down my mind is still so young and alive and wants to jump out and explore this big wide world through the adventure and love for art.

There's so much good in this world we have been given to be positive about, and if we can't be positive how are you going to be happy?
There will always be sadness when we lose someone we love, deep down you need to remember, it's the happiness they brought us, what they did for us when they could for us even if it wasn't enough we will eventually in time, never forget but always hold those memories, good or bad ones.

If you have a mended or broken heart, you will eventually heal and it will help you grow.
🤍 It takes time but your heart is the most important thing in life to keep safe because our heart is connected to all the feelings that can hurt us if we let them.
Our heart is our life support and if we don't look after it we lose it,
Kind of like myself.
I like to let my mind get lost in thoughts by imagining something that makes my heart happy,
Like everything I've wished for in my future, it's weird how we think like that, our mind can go to wonderfull places if we let them.
Sometimes I think I've been on this earth more than once, I think that because there's something more I desire and I'm not sure what that is yet but that's why I feel I've been here before & god just may be testing me this time to see if I can do better or even be a better person,
Kinda like how you have dejavu, I feel like everyone around me just isn't on the same journey path as me, and maybie that's why I overthink a lot because peoples opinions don't give you the right answers u were hoping for.
Like it's not good enough or why would you bother?

My mind is all about ideas and art, ever since I was a little girl around the age of 7, all I wanted to do is make people proud, I get a rush of showing people my talent.
And I have my mum and dad to thank for that otherwise I wouldn't be hear today and you wouldn't even be reading this.

That rush I was telling you about, It's like when you go and get a new peircing or a new tattoo, something you've wanted for so long and can't wait to get, your so excited about it you just want to show everyone, it's like when kids get new toys, there so fucking excited about, but that rush doesn't last long for us does it?
it last like a day and then it's like your back to normal again and your fun rush is over.
like when u take a drug and the high only last as long as fucking nanny nap, it's not enough and you want more so u do it again.
That's my rush on art and life but imaging being me and having a talent you could do so many things with, it's a gift that's for sure and I'm telling you now if you have a talent you need to stop wasting your time and fucking youse it right now!
Stop wasting away your time thinking about what you can do and just do it.
Do it now, If you don't do it now, then when is it ever going to be the right time?
Thats where my head is brainfucked, for some unknown reason, I can't even make up my mind with what I want to do with all this talent.
I keep changing my mind as you can guess by now I am an artist, yes I think that best describes me.
But not just an artist I can picture myself more than that with the amount of skill levels I have for art,
The best of my talents in art include drawing, photography and tattooing.

I've been tattooing for almost 13 years now and it's basically become apart of my life as my now , full time job.
yes I've switched from a normal regular working job to now running my own business from home with well over a 1k client base.

It took me years to be where I am today, but I've earned that and a lot of clients and followers to thank for that.
Throughout my life and growing up, My dad always said to me "Make sure you do something good with your art"
And that's like embedded in my brain now, powerful words stay, you keep them tucked away safe in your mind.
My mind and my art always talk to me everyday I wake up and hear those beautiful birds chirping outside my bedroom window, how good is listening to that? It's like waking up and hearing how beautiful Mother Nature is and how the universe can be,
we are lucky,
like I said at the start, how we have so many good things in life to be thankful for, I'm thankful for those cute birds,
they remind me of how beautiful your morning can be and just how lucky I really am to wake up today hearing them birds.

It's right there outside your window.
Waiting, your day is waiting for you.. what are you going to do today kristen?

Why diddnt I do what I thought about yesterday? That great plan, that great plan I had, those great ideas, I swore I only just thought about them yesterday?
I wanted to go get those black and gold clothes and go and buy a sewing machine to start making my own Versace style clothing design label.
I want to start designing beautiful clothes that make you feel expensive,
make u feel like that famous rich singer who has everything, the cars the clothes the mansion ohhhh isn't that the dream?
Well it is for me and I've dreamt it for years now, too many years, so many years.
I've wanted to be that rich person who has it all, but hey, doesn't everyone?, can't everyone?

No, not everyone, you can only dream of that if you have a talent to get you that money to take you that far,
hey, we don't keep downloading those favourite songs and buying those favourite brands for no reason now, it's there for a reason! and it's that reason that makes you want something even more, it's love for the rush u want,

I want to be just like them but trying to do it all on my own is hard if you don't have the right help.
I have all these ideas in my head I need to achieve and if I don't do them I get down and depressed because I new I could do it and I diddnt give myself the time to do it.

It's like when u go for a loan and u need someone to here your idea.
I don't need that, I need someone to see my idea, I feel like a fucking genious sometimes and no one is listening to me unless I show them.

When I'm really proud of something I've done like an art piece for example, if I tell them I'm proud of it it's like it's not good enough for some,
most people feel hostile or just won't care about how good you are doing, they let you see that buy not showing anything at all or just simply not caring, there the ones I notice,
Why? fucks me tho I have no idea , I'm just always seeking for that rush and it's like when I really want it no one cares, you've gotta work your ass off to get someone's attention.
I'm writing this book now for myself because I can't speak it.
I want to pass on knowing you have heard me and understand things I feel.