Yesterday's memory

3 dogs!

Three dogs was all it took feel hurt and pain.
Those dogs he had, They were so cute, we were so young me and my sister, and when you are young you just love animals! Well I do that's for sure.
I didn't understand why me and my sister patted these dogs, he had 3 on a leash, tiny small ruts they were, u know that book the hairy mclairy? Yeah one of them looked just like that, scruffy little thing it was, he kind of purposely walked past in front of us while we were standing out the front waiting for mum, we asked mum and him if we could pat them and he said "yes ofcourse!"
My mum was exhaling on her smoke and just smiling at him while she new me and my sister where busy there next to her on our knees patting these cute little dogs on there lead,
I remember is him saying "there very friendly puppy's aren't they?" Of course we said yes, there dogs you spastic thinking to myself now,

As me and my sister are distracted playing with these dogs I can't help but notice my mum and this older man chatting away smiling talking about fuck knows what I was just playing with the dogs and could sit there all day, he must of really been trying his hardest to real in the bait with my mother.
My mum was pretty and tiny, like short tiny, I could Literally pick her up when I was strong enough she was that tiny, pretty, thin, perfect weight, small with blonde hair and makeup all the time, she always looked her best before she went out so you can imagine she would always get a lot of guys staring at her everywhere she went, being so young and pretty, I would always see the men looking at my mum and staring at her.
My mum was always nice to people, she would put a fake smile on everywhere she went even if she was down.
Like the day she was nice to that man that walked past, or was it that he was more nice to her?

I remember him asking if he could take the dogs back to her place and him turning to us to ask us, mainly me to confirm it, like he wasn't trying to get my mums answer he was trying to get my answer,
"What do you think girls? Would use like to go home and play with the puppy's for a little bit longer?"
Yessssss I was like yesssss.
I want more puppy play time I'm thinking to myself those puppy's are just so cute, we wanted to keep them they were that exciting!
"And no we can't keep them" I remember mum mumbeling under her grumpy less stressed voice she had, or maybie her voice was like that because she new it was a bad idea?
Why did she say yes I don't know but I didn't know what was ever planned or what he planned or if he had a plan or if he's done it before?
Probably yes, the more I think about it the more it's real like those movies you watch, back in the old days everything was so violent and graphic and there were murderers and rapists that could get away with anything, a lot of things actually, because they didn't have the technology to solve cases ect, the list goes on the system is wrong, and if you can't speak the honest truth then you are wrong.

Blanked and blocked out again I'm back to the bedroom now, the night it happened,
It was a routine for him that I diddnt understand why he was the one putting us to bed every night he was staying with us and not my mother,
I remember this because he would say ok it's time for bed now Kristen so say goodnight to your mother and give her a cuddle and kiss,
I would give mum a kiss and head to my room, most nights he was putting me in bed my sister was already asleep in our room in her bed next to me.

We had 2 single beds in or bedroom but they were tiny.
As I lay down, my bed was on the left hand side against the wall and my sisters was on my right hand side against the other side of the wall, If I sat up I would be directly looking at my bedroom door to into the hallway.
To get up, I just had to turn left out of my room and look to the left of my hallway and it would lead to the small lounge room and the tiny white tiled kitchen in our home.
I remember it.

The night I said goodnight to my mum I remember being really tired that night But for this reason I couldn't drift off to sleep like I normally do. I'm uncomfortable by his presence,
He would hold my hand and walk me to bed, I would climb up on my bed and snuggle in and he put the sheets over me,
sometimes he would read me these small page story books, the ones that have like only 13 pages in them and they have like only 10 words to each page. We only had a couple of books in our room, maybe like 4 books if I remember correctly,
That night he didn't read me a story, that night he tucked me in I was trying to go to sleep.
I remember him stroking my hair and face over and over again, the kind that they try and make you fall asleep, it was normal for me he had done this before like I would normally fall asleep but this time I didn't and I don't know why my mind was awake that night. all I remember is trying to go back to sleep and being woken and suddenly feeling wide awake,
I felt someone with there hands in my underwear roughly and then softly rubbing my clitoral area,

Was this real? And why is this happening I closed my eyes even harder and turned to face the wall but he didn't let me, he pulled me over and kept rubbing me, it's like he knew something was happening and he diddnt want it to stop, I wanted it to stop, my spirit is hovering outside of my body and all I can see now is him with his hand in my underwear touching me I felt sick with his hand on my face and stroking it.
I just want it to stop, why arnt I screaming? Why can't I yell for help? Where is my mum and where is my sister why can't someone help me?

I felt like something bad was happening to me but turning against the wall and the other way like it was a bad dream your trying to shake off, it just wouldn't stop and it wouldn't go away.
He had forced rubbed me so hard on my vagina I woke up and realised it wasnt a dream, with a sudden urge or feeling myself the strength to say stop.
It felt like something was going to happen, he was right there looking at me the whole time.
It was him that was doing it. The 3 dogs man.
I'm now awake and looking at him,
suddenly all these shut out memories, have suddenly come flooding back in my brain now, I'm now realising how this has happened before with me in the same room, the Same house with that same man.