All This Time

To be seen and known

Hi MJ,

How to make it easier? I'm afraid there's no way to do that. I think it's just one of our eternal struggles—to find that balance between the desire and the fear of being and fear of being seen for who you really are.

I think the closest thing that we can feel very seen and known is...when someone gets married, or when they go and have a really good confession with a priest at church. Not that I'm married, or that I have been to a really good confession recently, either, but I would imagine those two events would require that kind of deep vulnerability.

Okay, sorry, I think I got carried away there a little bit. This was one of my favorite topics in Theology class back when I was in school. But this means that it's a universal thing, so you're not alone in feeling scared. We're all just trying to find people who would see and know us and not take advantage of what they see and know...you know?

My tip for you... I'm hardly qualified to give tips, to be honest, but I guess I'd say it's already in what you've made: be courageous. Even when you're scared. Especially when you're scared. It's easier said than done, and this is a terrible cliché, but there's still some truth in it. Now what courage looks like would be different for each of us, but I think you already know what it is for you. Me, I'm still not sure. Unlike you, my life hasn't been filled with moments that required courage—the last brave thing I probably did was write my first note to you.

Anyway, I've rambled long enough, and I'm running out of space. I don't know if I even really made sense, but I hope that it helps. And whenever you decide to go online, I hope you'll let me know? I'd be your #2 fan if you'd let me (#1 is obviously your best friend).

C

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Hello C,

I hope you don't mind, but I actually highlighted some of the things you wrote. You're right about how getting what we desire is sometimes scary. And it is comforting to know that we all experience it in some way.

And I like that thought, about how we're all just trying to find those people who wouldn't take advantage of us. I guess it's not a matter of waiting for someone to show themselves to you first, but also to be willing to open up—be vulnerable yourself, so others will feel safe around you. I just hope that it's easy to do that and that people are more careful with each other. It's sad how we even have to worry about being taken advantage of when not being a jerk to anyone else should be the norm.

It was really just staring me in the face, ano? This is what I get for choosing to make art about courage when there were so many other things to make art about. I guess the only way out of here is really through. It is still a terrifying thought, but talking/writing about it like this makes it less scary. Thank you. It's probably weird to get so much encouragement from someone you don't know, but all this is really helpful. And yes, you can be my #2 fan when the time comes.

And as for what courage looks like for you...do you think you may be just not seeing it? I'm not the one to talk, but from what you said, sometimes the most courageous thing is just right in front of you. Maybe it's about not about letting things just happen to you, but making things happen, you know? Or finding a balance between that. If that makes sense.

I'm rooting for you!

MJ