FERVOR: a wedding debacle.(Complete✔️)

Chapter 5: Me and You

GIVEON

" I want to talk to you" my lowered voice is unnecessary among the flurry of activity happening around us, I doubt anyone is paying attention but you never know. I stare at the intricate design that is her hair, sleek at the front and twisted in some way to make it look like ice-cream swirl, a gold pin in the middle of it holding her shoulder length train. Those shoulders. The subtle twitch of her head is the only indication that she may have heard me.

" Please, just a few minutes Sunshine" I square my shoulders at a lousy attempt to hide the desperation in my voice. Dignity went out the window a long time ago but I like to keep the illusion that I still have some left.

"Your Grandfather just had a heart-attack and is being wheeled into an ambulance right now, your mother is in distress and your brother is about to have a mental breakdown but all you can think about is using this as an opportunity to get what you want? You are unbelievable" her tone lacks the venom that usually accompanies her words and the chaos surrounding us comes into sharper focus for me at them. My father is holding my sobbing mom in his hands while the paramedic people strap my Gramps into a gurney, his eyes moving in and out of focus drag me from my state of being emotionally disconnected and a wave of guilt washes over me. The title of family asshole is effortless for me to uphold and seeing the goddamned husband go full hands-on with helping everyone highlights that part of myself and bile rises to my throat. I would choose him over me too.

"You have known I am douche bag for a long time so I don't know why that surprises you now, I have endured a lot this past few days and I will take any chance I can to plead my case and if my scumbag of a grandfather dying is the only providence for that I will take it. This is what you have reduced me to." my feet shift a fraction, as a lousy attempt to get closer to her and to breath her in. It hits me now how much of a privilege it was to be free to touch her, pull her in and just exist in her but I took that for granted and now I can only trail after her like a lost puppy.

"of all the things I thought would disrupt the happiest days of my life you were on the top of that list and for that I did not want you to come. It is not in your nature to listen to me, to believe I can make my own decisions or to realize you might not be the best thing for me. You see me as a possession, something that belongs to you and not even declaring myself on an alter to someone else is enough to stop you on your tirade and I am done trying to get through to you." a deep resigned sigh follows her words.

"You have never been one to give me much credit Sunshine, but I'm not gonna fault you for it. What we had was magical, explosive even so its hard for me to believe that you have found something better, impossible even. There were times when you would break up with me and date other people to prove a point or to make me jealous so how do I know that this is not a much more dramatic version of that?" a huff escapes my lips and I admire my own restraint at how I am able to keep the anger leashed within me, this is taking things too far and I am losing my patience. I hope she sees this disruption for what it is and uses it to call her bluff, this rebellion of hers is bordering on the annoying side of things.

That anger rises when she ducks her head in a fit of silent laughter, her shoulders shaking as if what I said is the funniest thing she has ever heard. I grind my teeth realizing that she has put herself on a high horse where none of my words have the desired effect, the flimsy decorations, battered chairs and tables, her cheap off the rack wedding dress and silly excuse of a wedding are a direct contrast to her better than you attitude and the reminder of the downgrade that is her life makes me feel better immediately, making me puff out my chest and brush off the insult insinuated by her laugh.

" its always nice chatting with you Giveon" she pats me on my shoulder and leaves, brushing her tears of laughter away like we were not having an intense conversation a few seconds ago, I bristle inside at her dismissal but keep a smile on my face when I realize we had eyes on us the whole time. Fuck!

The MC announces that Gramps has been taken to the hospital and he is going to be okay and that the bridal party should proceed to the car for photographs while the rest of us make our way to the reception hall. I guess if a triple bypass surgery can not hamper the celebration then I had no chance. Suddenly the rooms feels a little bit too small and I am finding it hard to breathe.

"I never apologized" a deep timbre voice says from behind me, even if I was not hanging onto the balcony railing for dear life and having a panic attack I would not need to turn around to know who it was.

"I figured you were too busy stealing my girl to bother" I manage to get the words out between my panting breaths. The bite in them dimmed by my weak lungs that find it hard to do their jobs at the moment.

"She is not something to be stolen, and I am sorry for keeping it from you, we never meant to hurt you." the words are followed by a sympathetic tilt and a glass of water, I take the latter and throw it off the balcony in a lousy attempt at a hissy fit. We, he refers to them as we, as if I am the outsider now when not four months ago me and Jean were a we and Jake was just my bodyguard who introduced us.

"Of anyone she could have chosen she picked you, you Jake you! My odds could not get any worse, you were there for the good times, the fights and everything in between and I have no chance with her because I probably showed you what to do and not to do. I gave you a manual on her and now I have lost both my best friend and the love of my life" he blanches at my words or probably my sad and defeated tone." as if that's not enough now my own family hates me, you have taken everything from me Jake, everything! So forgive me if I am not in the spirit of forgiveness, I find myself fresh out of fucks to give"

He sighs and silently leaves me alone to wallow in my own self pity, love and hate for Jean wars in my heart with the yearning I have for her acting as the referee.

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Hi loves, its been a while i know but i had a sinus infection that was annoying and the pills made me sleepy al the time but that is over with, phew!, being sick is not fun. this is the second to last chapter, i can feel  the words depleting and i am not one for forcing things, this little book did its job and got me out of my writers block, even though it is short i am super proud of it still. i have so many book ideas now and i cant wait to share them with you.