A/N: Yeah I know I'm taking so long, but in my last chapter, I made a passing reference to what I was dealing with, having to go to the doctor and stuff, and I mentioned that I'll make a chapter about it, and here it is!
By the way, this chapter will touch on subjects such as Suicide, so if you feel uncomfortable with that, please skip I kid you not this had to have been the most hardest chapter I could've made.
Namjoon laid in bed, unmotivated and numb. He's been like that for a few days, having been putting off hygiene along with other responsibilities.
He couldn't understand what was wrong with him. He was perfectly fine the week before, and yet, he felt like he's hit rock bottom.
Empty plates and silverware covered the floor, along with old blankets and hoodies. He never realized how bad it was getting.
He couldn't remember the last time he showered, never-ending leave his room for anything other that the bathroom. He felt that hiding was the best way to keep himself safe.
His mind painfully quiet, he was sitting in his silent sorrow, when someone knocked on the door.
"Hey Namjoon-ah," Jin said, poking his head out from the door frame. "I think you should get up now, it's been a while."
Namjoon groaned before sluggishly pulling himself off the bed. His body felt heavier than usual.
He pulled on one of his old hoodies that were scattered, and sprayed body spray to hide his musty smell.
He scooted to the couch before plopping his body on the couch. His head pounded. All that work to just get up.
Yoongi noticed something was off. "Hey, Namjoon, how long have you been wearing those pants?" He asked.
"I don't know. Like, 3 day. Does it matter?" Namjoon huffed out. "Ew yeah no, you're taking a shower." Yoongi responded.
Namjoon groaned like a lazy teen being forced on a walk. "I don't want to." He whined, drawing out his words in desperation. He really didn't want to stand under the hot water.
Yoongu tugged his arm. "Nope. I am not letting it slide this time. I wouldn't be surprised if your pants were crusted. You are taking a shower, doing your laundry because I'm sure you haven't done that!"
"Hyung~" Namjoon whined. Yoongi walked him back to his room and opened the dresser and picked out a nice T-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants.
He handed it to Namjoon and pushed him to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, before Yoongi left, he grabbed Namjoon's hand and whispered in his ear.
"I know how it feels, but you have to get out of this low."
He patted his shoulder before walking out. Namjoon huffed and shut the door, and started his shower.
Though, you couldn't really call it a shower. He spent most of that time sitting down. He sat there for a good 21 minutes, before finding the energy to get up and wash his hair.
He did feel a bit better after his shower. Only a little.
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Namjoon felt even worse by the end of the day. He had no idea why. He was fidgety and his mind was loud. It screamed stuff at him he didn't want to think about.
He had to get out of the house. It was 11:30 pm, and everyone was asleep. They weren't allowed out of the house by 9, Jin's rules.
But he couldn't stand it. The loudness of his mind was too much, and he gave in.
He didn't know where he was going to go, but he had a close friend he could live with for a while. He grabbed an old backpack and packed up the important stuff, such as clothes, special items, ect.
He slipped on a hoodie and headed out. No money, no phone, nothing but his backpack. As soon as he stepped out the door, he ran.
He ran as far as he could, he ran as far as his feet would let him. He knew his friend was probably working. He wouldn't mind a visit, would he?
It was until he saw the first car pass by, when his mind got loud.
Go near it.
It wont hurt.
It'll take the pain away.
No one will care.
All these thoughts polluted his mind. And at this point, the third car passed. When he saw the fourth, he jumped in front of it.
Standing there, he heard it honk. The big metal piece flying in front of him. Headlights blinded him, until...
He ran. He was too scared. He couldn't do it. He was too much of a coward. He ran until he couldn't hear the engine of the fourth car.
He ran and ran until he found his friend's office. Jackson's office. He ran up, tears streaming down his face.
He banged on the door. "Jackson!" He shouted. "Jackson please!"
It took a while, but once the door opened, Jackson was standing there, concerned as ever, in a white T and blue jeans.
Namjoon and him didn't make eye contact, Namjoon just hugged him. He hugged him as tight as he could.
"I'm sorry." He sobbed. Jackson hugged back, holding him in his arms. "Woah hey, let's take a seat, alright?" He said, walking towards the office couch.
They sat down and Jackson wiped Namjoon's tears. "Tell me what's wrong bub. Why are you sorry."
"I just couldn't do it!" Namjoon cried, "It was too scary." Jackson hugged him tightly. "What was hun?"
"I tried to kill myself. I don't know why, "Namjoon sobbed, "I couldn't do it. I just couldn't."
Jackson couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You tried to kill yourself? Why bub?"
"I don't know!" Namjoon cried even harder. Jackson felt so confused. Why would his best friend, whose always been so upbeat, try to do such a thing?
"Okay bub, I'm gonna go call an ambulance, alright? Does Seokjin hyung know where you are?"
"No." Namjoon cried.
"Okay, here, let's get you a blanket, get you some tea to calm you down, and let's talk about it. Does that sound nice?" Jackson asked.
Namjoon nodded in response. All he wanted was to sleep. It was now 2:00 am and he was exhausted.
Jackson came back, on the phone with Jin. "Hey, so Namjoon came over to my place and told me he tried to kill himself. I called an ambulance and they'll be here any minute now, so if you want to come over and talk to him, I'm sure he would like that."
Jackson placed the blanket around Namjoon, and handed him the travel mug. Namjoon sniffed in response.
"I'm sorry." He croaked. "Don't be! If you got to the point you want to die, something bad was probably happening!" Jackson responded.
"That's the thing," Namjoon sobbed harder, "nothing was happening! I don't know why I-" He was cut off by the door getting pounded on vigorously.
Jackson went over and opened the door, revealing a stressed out Seokjin. He ran over to Namjoon, hugging him tightly, and squeezed him.
"Oh my gosh," He said, exasperated, "I'm so glad you're safe. I was worried sick!"
Namjoon's crying calmed as he was in the arms of his hyung. He really needed that hug. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He weaped.
"No, I'm sorry Namu. I knew something was wrong. I knew it, but I didn't do anything. I'm so sorry." Jin said, his tears started rolling down his face.
Soon, they heard the sirens of an ambulance.
Part 2 is coming as soon as I can make it aka a few months lmao
