Random Stories of Suicidal Pen

E2: She said: "I'm Fine"

Have you ever wondered if you could live another life? Would you still be doing the same thing as you remember in the past? Or would you be opposing it like it didn't become your own? I always thought that living my next life: I should never have regrets. If I think about it, would it even change, or will it just ruin it all?

I lowered my head as I walked into an endless white corridor with a lady who's outfit is a receptionist or some such in a grand hotel. The clacking sound of her heels makes me anxious about what I am going to do next. If worse comes to worst, I could run away to the exit. However, in a straight path where I can't see any doors or intersections? How could I disrupt them from following me? I came back to my senses as she held something on the white wall.

"Here, this is the spot for you," she guided.

"Spot for me? But there are no other rooms." I spoke.

She professionally smiled at me.

"Not because you can't see, it doesn't mean they don't exist, my lady," she explained.

"Could you prove it to me?" I said bravely, trying to shoo away my anxiousness.

The lady smiled again that the curve of her lips was like a fake.

"My lady, we promised our clients confidentiality. We don't barge in to disturb their privacy," she replied.

Being out of words, I nodded and entered the room assigned to me. Inside is a grand room with white walls, a bright light, and a giant mirror in the middle reflecting the chair in front of it. The place is humid, but my thoughts were running wild that the coldness of my sweats suffices the contradictions.

"In a while, the air conditioning of the room will be on. We were sorry if the humidity affect your mood. We, as employees, follow protocols to conserve what is not use and reserve it for the time when it is needed." she apologized.

I nodded once more before she bowed her head, smiled, and left the room. I get the cringe of being alone in some place of brainwashing people to act the way they wanted it to be. Seeing my haggard and scared look in the mirror made me want to puke with disgust. How did I end up like this? I sat in the chair and rekindled the past where I was happy without worrying if I died the next day. It was blurry, but the warmth was there. If only I could turn back the time, I want to tell her to prepare. I don't want to stop time or never grow old. I want to develop her at a young age. I want to remind her that as she grows older, the war will be suffocating. If she has a weak heart like me, then it will be her demise. I wish I could tell her that it is not okay to be ignorant, that life should always start with a plan.

I was startled as the lights turned off and the cold wind from the air-conditioning touched my skin. Will it turn into some horror movie or a thriller? Will a knife stab me at my back? I exhaled a sigh of relief as they returned the electricity. In my front is a mirror that doesn't reflect me anymore. I panicked as she waved at me. She assisted her head leaning forward to show interest in me. I am always observant of the person in front of me. Little by little, I learned that during a conversation, a person's gesture and body posture speak their feelings towards the recipients.

"So, how's your day? How come you only came today? I was afraid you forget about me." she began.

The ambiance feels like we are old childhood friends meeting after long, long years had passed. Well, it's kind of funny because I can't seem to recognize the talking person in the front.

"I have nothing to say," I shyly spoke.

"Eh? Not the type in appealing to some friendly conversation? Hmm, it must have been hard on you," she pouted.