27 a father's duty

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MARINE CRIMINAL INVESTIGATIVE SERVICE

VALERIS ISLAND HQ - ARCHIVES

SUPPORTING EVIDENCE

 

 

 

 

CASE NO. 2306-4837

 

 

 

 

ENTRY 25

[REDACTED], 1518

I've thought about burning this journal. Came close to it so many times. The fact that I don't know why exactly is why I'd resolved not to until I've figured it out...and now I think I did.

Going through the past couple entries, I only realized now that I haven't mentioned her name once since that day. All the pages after that are filled with the most mundane trivialities. As if this whole exercise has become something of a chore (which in a way, it had....) A random observation here, a short conversation there. But none of them are really recollections worth keeping.

There is a part of me that just wants to dismiss this on account of my being capricious. Just too tired & overwhelmed to recount everything. To try to preserve something that I know can never fully be expressed in words.

But I think it points to something else. I know it does. Because even now I feel this sense of guilt to even mention her here. To dare put into words how many times she's saved me, sometimes without even knowing it herself. How I will never deserve her.

How much it hurts that we have to hide it.

I think there is a part of me that is still scared, just like she is. And God, I know she is terrified even though she will never say it aloud.

She told me herself once – I alone have the power to destroy her. Destroy us both.

I can't afford to be reckless with it.

It feels wrong even now. Writing about these things when I know it has the potential to hurt her in the long run. But I need to, if but for the sake of my own sanity in the future.

CHIMAYOI (I Loved You Yesterday)Where stories live. Discover now