Pahimakas

I

To my greatest love,

Kumusta ka na? Masaya ka na ba? Iniisip mo pa ba ako? O tuluyan mo na akong binura sa puso't isipan mo? Bakit hanggang ngayon, nandito pa rin ang sakit? Bakit hanggang ngayon, ramdam ko pa rin? Hanggang kailan pa? Kailangan ba talaga na talikuran ako ng lahat? Ikaw ang naging sandalan ko, ikaw ang naging ilaw ko, ikaw ang naging pahinga ko. Ikaw ang lahat sa pagitan ng kawalan ko.

Bakit ka sumuko? Bakit mo ako iniwan? Bakit kailangan ko itong maranasan? Ang dami kong tanong, na ikaw lang din ang makakasagot. Kasama kita noong buo pa ako, iniwan mo akong pira-piraso. Paano ko pa bubuuin ang sarili ko? Ang sarili kong hawak mo . . . Naalala mo pa ba ang lugar kung saan tayo unang nagkita? Sana, doon din kita muling makikita. Hanggang dito na lang ba talaga? Wala na ba talagang pag-asa? Kung hanggang dito na lang, tatanggapin ko . . . tatanggapin ko nang buo, mahal ko.

Nagmamahal at patuloy kang mamahalin,
Colin

***

"Colin, tara na," tawag sa'kin ng isa sa mga kaklase ko. Tiningnan ko ang cellphone ko kung mayroon ba akong bagong mensahe na natanggap, ngunit gano'n pa rin—wala.

Umaasa pa rin ako, ngunit nakakapagod din palang maghintay sa napaka-imposibleng mangyari.

Are you really that mad at me, Chris? What mistake have I ever made for you to hold a grudge against me? I want to be enlightened about something I didn’t do.

"Mauna ka na, daan muna ako sa library," paalam ko sa kanya.

I forgot that I needed a book for tomorrow's lesson.

I left him there and didn’t wait for his response. I hurried because I remembered that we still have an exam today. It’s almost one o’clock.

I hope that quiz is just a piece of cake. I suck at this course.

If I had a choice,

I would have chosen another one.

I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings, which is why I accidentally bumped into someone. She’s my blockmate; it feels like she didn’t recognize me at that moment since she started picking up the books that she had dropped.

Lopez.

As a good Samaritan, I helped her pick up the books she dropped.

"Sorry," she apologized, "and thank you."

"No worries, Miss Lopez," I said as I handed the other books to her.

After giving her the books, I immediately started walking. She is a writer, and I have frequently seen her writing in a notebook—not just taking notes, but also creating stories. That's when I realized I wasn't alone. Like me, many others have a different dream that they hope to achieve.

I never imagined that would be where it all began. My life started to change at that point.