Memories of a Life That Never Happened

Chapter 61 - Like Mother, Like Son

Theo could not shake off a dose of guilt for trying to ditch the escapade into the woods with her mom. It was only natural that she worried about his well-being and wanted to spend some time with him. Besides, he had never paid much attention to how she spent her days in Buriti. As far as everything indicated, she was always alone. His father, after all, had been spending most of his time doing God knows what with the Devil knows who.  

Regret had Theo give Carolina an unexpected hug.  

It became abundantly clear how badly she needed a kind gesture. Her lips pressed into a thin line. Her eyes looked skywards in an expression of mingled joy and gratitude.  

"Isn't this nice? I'm thrilled to see happiness has finally overgrown your pain." A tender kiss landed on Theo's hair. "You even got some color in there," Carolina crooned as she pinched his cheek.  

As Theo used to do as a child, he rested his head on her shoulder to take in the landscape. The leaves of the sinewy Gameleira trees seemed greener against the cloudless sky. A few feet from them, the babble of the gentle stream and the purple and blue flowers speckles of the riverside flowers gave the landscape a heavenly atmosphere. 

While Agnes collected empty dishes to store them away in a large picnic basket, Theo and his mom basked on a red-and-white checkered cloth. Carolina picked on a bunch of green grapes, her eyes lost beyond the river. In this contemplative state, she looked happier and the more peaceful than Theo had seen her in a long time.  

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" 

It was a rhetoric question, so Theo did not bother to answer.  

"Why haven't we been here before?" he asked his mother. 

Carolina leaned on one arm, her lips twitched up in a mischievous smirk.  

"Do you have a place you love so much that you want it all for yourself? Your private, happy place?" 

Thinking of a certain spot on the beach, he nodded in agreement. 

"Well, I guess this is mine," his mother confessed. 

Agnes glanced at Carolina, watched her pop a grape into her mouth. 

"Did you come here often?" Theo wanted to know.  

Curiosity tickled his brain, made him wonder how his mother behaved when she was his age. Did anyone steal her sleep at night as Mica did his?  

"Oh, yes. Definitely!" Carolina drew circles in the air with the grape she had clamped between her fingers. "Whenever your grandparents and I came to Buriti. I'd come here every day," she confessed.  

"You did?" Theo realized his unvoiced question had been answered. "With whom?"  

Like a kid listening to bedtime stories, Agnes lingered on every word mother and son exchanged. She stood up. A basket of apple cores and banana peels dangled from her hands.  

"Excuse me," Agnes said and headed over toward a few saplings and disposed of their waste by a leafy shrub. 

The smile that Carolina gave her son was sad and transient.  

"Your father was not the only boyfriend I had, you know." She touched the tip of Theo's nose as she used to do when he was a toddler. 

"Your mother was very popular with the boys," Agnes chimed in. She had come back and winced a little as she knelt to join them on the ground. 

"No surprise there. She still is," crooned Theo.  

Carolina patted his thigh. "My sweet boy," she said proudly. 

Coming to think of it, his mother never shared much about her younger years. Theo had heard from his grandfather stories of Carolina's childhood. Then, there was this big black hole, as if her life had jumped from her young ages straight to the part when his parents had met. The only thing he knew about her teenage years was that she had spent time abroad when her family moved to Switzerland. It was only recently that he had discovered that that was where his mom had met Joana's and then the two became friends. 

"Dad says he decided to have his parties in Buriti because of you," said Theo.  

"I think I saw a few shrubs packed with nice, plump blackberries over there. I'll be right back," Agnes said.  

Her way up was apparently as painful as her way down. 

"So he did. But I never brought him or your brother here." Carolina stared past the river again. "They don't understand me."  

"I do." Theo said and won a smile from her. 

"Yes, you do," Carolina agreed. "As much as I love you and your brother equally, he took after your dad. They would be so bored doing this. You and I-we're so alike. So much so that sometimes it scares me." 

She laid down on her back and resumed popping grapes into her mouth. 

"It's nice of Dad to choose a special place to you as the venue for his parties. This way every year you can remember the good times you had here." 

When Carolina turned her head to look at him, her expression was serious. In a low voice, almost as if thinking aloud, she said, "Some memories are so beautiful and strong that you don't need anything else to evoke exactly what you felt when you were living it".  

Then, his mother closed her eyes and Theo figured she was putting in practice what she had just said. 

"I know what you mean." 

"You do?" Carolina looked at him half amused, half worried.  

He nodded and laid beside her. With eyes shut, he called to surface a memory of Mica sitting on the beach. She was completely soaked in seawater, her dress clinging to her body. He could see her face as close to his as it was on that day. The stream now sounded like the waves, flowing and ebbing in an endless hide-and-seek. 

With a pang in the pit of his stomach, he remembered that Agnes had failed to leave Mica a message. As much as Theo wanted to spend time with his mom, his mind and his heart were already somewhere else. 

"What time is it?" he wondered out loud. 

Carolina rummaged in her purse for her wristwatch. "Half past two," she announced.  

His face dropped and had Carolina misunderstand his intentions. She thought what she saw was a sign of how sad Theo was to go back to the house.  

"Don't worry," she said in an attempt to cheer him up. "We won't start getting back before another hour or so."  

Theo grinned and looked at Agnes in a silent plea for help. But there was nothing to be done this time. The ship had sailed. Mica had already been stood up.