Lets talk about body dismorphia, because it makes me so mad.
All my life I'd been tall and had broad hips and shoulders, I was always ,big'. But the reason why I always thought I was fat when I was completely normal-weighted was something else. It started with my dad's girlfriend calling me ,a bit fat' when I was a chubby child. A child of 9 years! From that moment on I always thought I was fat. But it didn't get better. When I was called ugly later on, I always connected it to being fat. I always thought if only I lost weight I'd be pretty. I stopped eating lunch, my weight was medically approved to be good, but I didn't care.
When I was 17 I went on vacation with my dad and his family. As we were on a walk, just the two of us, he asked if I was fine with being chubbier than my classmates.
Thinking back it really throws me off. I was not fat, maybe chubby, but what gives him the right to ask such a question? All my life I just wanted him to be proud of me but then he also goes ahead and gifts me a book about healthy nutrition??? His girlfriend saying I don't exercise enough and that's why I have sleeping problems???
Fuck you
Youre the reason why i hate eating in public, you're the reason why I sometimes don't eat for days, you're the reason why I binge eat and gain even more weight, you're the reason why I feel like no one will ever love me, you're the reason why I wish I was dead.
