[AtsuHina] [Trans/Eng] Sunset

Chapter 3

(Shouyou's pov)

The weather today is sunny, but it doesn't have any wind or clouds. But, the weather forecast said there will be a storm this afternoon as well as tomorrow. This world is really strange, isn't it?

Ah, how long has it been since we met? Has it been four or maybe five months? I think it's five. I have spent a lot of time thinking and wondering about some things in those 5 months. And, I have my own decision.

I apologize for suddenly showing up in front of your house that night and disturbing your sleep.

Did Atsumu really come to you? It's lucky you kept the promise. What would happen if you told him the truth that time? I don't know either. I don't know if I can face him anymore. He needs my trust in him, open my heart for him and not hide in my own world.

You ask me, am I ok? Haha, I'm not ok. I have never been fine before, Suga-san. But, I'm quite calm and somehow comfortable now.

I just came here to find a listener, heh. And, I believe you, Suga-san. You are like my second father.

Back to the main topic, I just told you how amazing Atsumu is. Now, I want to tell you about my love story as well as how I create burdens for myself.

I met him on a quiet day, he is so handsome and I bumped into him on purpose to get his attention.

I am not like that kind of person who always plans or calculates everything!

Handsomeness wasn't the only thing that made me notice him, it's the way he gently asked me if I'm in pain. It's rare that someone cares about me like he did, so I fell for him.

That quiet day seemed to silently signal an approaching storm.

Everything remained normal, I was getting closer and closer to Atsumu. Until, he expressed his feelings to me. I realized how happy I was when I heard that, but there was a scary thing which started to grow on my mind.

I had relapsed at that time, but I didn't even know. And, I let the fear that 'if I get sick he won't love me anymore', gradually growing bigger, making me breathless.

I wanted to talk to him about it, but so many unwanted thoughts clouded my way of thinking, squeezing my throat so that I couldn't speak.

If only I had been a little braver that time. Because Atsumu was beside me. But I wasn't.

And then more worries appeared, I remembered the words people had said about me in the past, that I don't deserve to be loved and to be happy. I was so scared, I even scratched myself, hoping those words in my head would disappear. I'm really thankful for Atsumu because he gave me a hug at that time.

But, I didn't love him with all my heart. I'm not perfect, my heart is full of holes that can't be patched. I was starting to feel like I don't deserve him.

I see him as the Sun, the World, and my whole life. So, I don't deserve him.

I know I've devalued myself, but I was so helpless in my own fear. I didn't know what to do. I'm a coward.

Until now, whenever I remember that time, my heart feels like It's about to explode from being overwhelmed.

No, Suga-san, I'm really calm now.

When I was in love with Atsumu, I felt happiness overflowing in my chest, as well as an invisible burden appearing on my shoulders. At that time, I really wanted to die. Dying to free me from the pain, from the terrible things that torment me, but I was greedy to feel the happiness Asumu gave me more. So, I decided to stay. And, those hurtful cuts, again, appeared on my hands.