The Last Mission | Markhyuck

5.

Xiao-fucking-ling

today

- where are you? sent 11:21 pm

- the club sent 11:22 pm

For the past three days, the rain had ruled over the streets of Incheon. the nightlife at dark corners was rather peaceful. Though the drunk retards wandering the streets were pissing; wherever seemed comfortable. It was peaceful.

I sat in my car, listening to the music produced by the rain on the roof. Smoking my perhaps fourth cigarette. A hand on the steering. Lost in my thoughts, I never drove forward after stopping at the red light.

Thoughts about what?

About the boy sitting on the footpath at the crossing. Crouched down. Hands around his legs. Soaking in the rain.

In my head, I complained to myself about the kind of work I had started recently. I had my problems... but.

What was bothering you so much to bring you down on your knees in the rain?

Each time you wiped your cheeks, I wondered if it was the rain or your tears?

What thoughts were you so lost in, you never noticed the car parked a couple of steps away from you?

I wondered who this pretty boy was that arose so many questions in my head?

I wanted your attention.

As you finally got up. Stepping on the road. Step by step. Passing by as if a scene in slow motion. I switched on the headlights, forcing you to squint your eyes. Covering the bright light with your hand, looking in my direction.

But it wasn't enough.

So you walked away, without caring. It was never your concern I knew that. Nevertheless, it had me questioning about this night for the next couple of days, sure enough.

I clenched my fingers, nails digging into my palm painfully. For the last twenty or so minutes I sat in front of Xiao Ling like a fool. How could I have missed it so easily? How could I have thought I would've kept him safe when I never even knew something this fool in front of me even knew? How? The man was utterly unamused with the situation. Smoking, smoking, and smoking. All this fucking smoke-

'Everything. Tell me everything you know,' asking him information about the only person ever I never wanted him to speak the name of. It made me question his mentally even. I always thought this guy was just someone acting tough when he was an idiot but I was wrong.

The only idiot ever was me. Just me. From the very start.

For falling in love. To be obsessed with my boy. To let him have me tied around his fingers. To want to dream of a future together. Every damn single thing.

Why did I never pay attention to his carefulness whenever we were together out somewhere? His stiff body in someone else's presence. Him not agreeing on staying over at night. The random midnight visits look so broken. The grip on my shirt whenever we hugged. It all felt like he did it as if for the last time. Maybe it was just his way of loving. But now I had doubts about it.