Crush or Be Crushed (EDITING)

Chapter 34: Colorless Walls and Weeping Women

CS
~ A Thousand Years ~
By: Christina Perri

One Month...

It's been one month since Alex was dragged out of a window. 

It's been one month since Alex was brutally raped.

It's been one month since Kale died.

It's been one month since Alex slipped into a coma.

Even though those things happened a month ago, my heart's still shattered into millions of pieces.

For the past month, the days went by so quickly. Visitor upon visitor. Nurses running here and there. The doctor telling us that everything's going to be alright. Weeping family members. Aaron trying to comfort a continuously bawling Victoria. And then there's me, staring at the monochrome wall waiting for something good like 'Hey Derek! Alex's awake!' or something more terrifying like 'I'm sorry. Alex...she's...dead.' I hadn't gathered up all my courage to see Alex again. I was too scared.

Shaking the bad thoughts away, I think back to the time when people came pouring in to visit Alex. About five minutes after we were told that Alex slipped into a coma, both her parents came rushing down the hall in their scrub suits. They must've been working that day. I remember every single detail vividly. Mrs. Smith already had a tear stained face with a bit of mascara running down her cheeks. She had red puffy eyes and a runny nose that made her look a bit like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Mr. Smith on the other hand had tears falling from his eyes but not as much as the ones flowing down his wife's. Mrs. Smith and Victoria hugged each other bawling like their lives depended on it. While, Aaron and Mr. Smith tried their best to comfort the girls, I sat staring at the wall, just like I am now. 

Three days pass and my mom and Miley came to visit. Just like all the other girls, they, too, had tear streaked faces. My mom kept encouraging Mr. and Mrs. Smith to have hope and strongly believe that Alex is strong and that she'll make it through this. Miley, on the other hand, stayed by my side and kept on going on and on about how much she misses Alex and that she, too, believes she'll wake up.  

A week later, Dylan, Bruce, Sam, Francis, and Gabe came by to visit around the same time, all with mournful looks on their faces. They each brought Alex gifts. Dylan: flowers. Bruce: a teddy bear. Sam: 'Get Well Soon' balloons. Francis: a Batman souvenir. Gabe: a coupon for a free funnel cake.

 After a week and a half passed along, Ritchy, unexpectedly, decided to visit. She kept rambling on about how much she was sorry and that all of this was her fault. 'If I hadn't had met Kale and if I hadn't had been such a thirsty bitch, all of this wouldn't have happened.' She cried. 'I'm so sorry.'

Day after day, week after week. The visits alternated in a slow, mournful pattern. Believe it or not, I haven't said a single word after I was told that the girl I cared so much for slipped into a come she was probably not going to wake up from. I never spoke. All I did was stare at a blank, boring wall, contemplating my future if Alex happened to never awaken.

Back to the present. I was still sat on a chair, staring at the wall. That is, until I decided that it was probably about time to see Alex. I stand up from where I've been sitting 24/7 and turn to a shocked Aaron. I glance over all the shocked faces I was receiving.

"W-What? You actually stood up." Aaron stuttered, surprised at my sudden action.

"I'm going to see..." I started, my voice hoarse from a month of not talking. Somehow I couldn't say her name. I was still traumatized.

Aaron looks into my eyes before nodding as if he understood what I was trying to say. "Okay. You know where to go."

I look down and nod before heading toward Alex's room. I place my hand on the doorknob but hesitate for a moment before turning it. I step into the cold room and close the door behind me. The curtain is pulled closed but I slowly open it revealing a pale looking Alex. My breathing becomes heavy and tears prick my eyes. Who's this? This isn't Alex. It's just a pale, skeleton-like figure of her. Random wires were connected to her body and the heart monitor monitored her weak heart beat.

I sit on the chair beside her bed and grab her cold, colorless hand. Holding her hand didn't feel the same as before. Before, it used to give me a warm fuzzy feeling that made my neck hairs stand. Now, the touch of her hand sends shivers down my spine and drains the life out of me. 

I take a deep breath and release it shakily. "H-Hey Alex." I began. "I don't know if you could hear me or..."

Her pale figure still showed no reaction. "It's me, Derek. I don't know if you're mad at me for what I did to you the fair. I just...wanted to let you know how I really felt. I like you. I like you a lot. " I let out a small laugh. "I know it may seem a bit bizarre but this is how it came to be."

"You know. This is one of the most traumatizing events that ever took place in my life. I don't think I have ever told you about my dad." I gulp and blink away the tears.

"H-He was the best dad anyone could ever dream of. When I was little, I always wanted to play pass the football with him. After always hearing my constant protests, he promised me that whenever I wanted to play, he'd always make time for it. I remember, one time when I was about five years old, my dad and I were throwing the football around. A lizard unexpectedly hopped onto his foot and he had a major freak out." I laughed at the memory. "He was so freaked out that he threw the football in the air. As I was running to help him prevent the lizard from crawling up his shorts, I didn't notice the football falling toward my direction. It bounced off my head, hit the fence, and crashed through the kitchen window where mom, unfortunately, was making our dinner. Man, she was pissed. Pissed enough to have the lizard scurry to safety and make dad and I cower. Both of us got grounded. We were banned from playing pass for the next month or so. We eventually replaced the window and returned back to normal."

"Now, let me tell you the memory I kept locked up inside my head." I took a deep breath and gulped before continuing. "Three years after Miley was born, my family took a trip to the park. We did what any normal family would do. Have a picnic, play games, spend quality time together. Everything went downhill from there. Some lady started screaming her head off. She was saying that someone had snatched her baby from her. My dad immediately took action and ran off to the direction where the kidnapped went. Being the stupid kid I was, I ran after him thinking that maybe if I helped him, both of us could become superheros. I ignored the protests from my mom and continued to run after my dad. He stopped at an alley way where the kidnapper was hiding. The kidnapper dropped the baby and threw a punch at my dad. They started to physically fight. I ran toward the baby and carried him away and out of the alley. I didn't go back to the park. I stayed right outside the alley, hiding behind the wall, watching the fight. I didn't want to leave my dad. The fight was so brutal. No eight year old should've seen it. After a long brutal fight, I heard something I never would have dreamed of hearing."

I paused to recollect myself. My breathing was ragged and fast and tears began fall from my eyes. "A gunshot. I heard a fucking gunshot. That was when I saw my dad fall to the floor and the kidnapped run away, down the other end of the alley. I was crying my eyes out as I ran up to my dying dad. We both looked at each other's teary eyes for the last time." I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and sniffed a few times. "His last words to me were 'Grow up to be the man you are destined to be. Don't let life time problems bring you down. I love you, Derek, more that you could ever imagine. And remember that daddy will always be with you.'" This time I started to cry as much as the girls did.

I blinked away the tears. "I don't want to lose another person I love so much. I don't think you understand how much it hurts to lose a person so close to you. It makes you hate life and make you want to kill yourself. It happened before. I don't want to go through the same pain I had years ago." I stare at Alex's pale face. I let my head fall onto the bed as I still held her hand. I cried silently for the next few minutes. "Please, Alex. Don't leave me."

"Stop crying. It's making me sad."

I freeze. Was that...

I lift up my head slowly and my eyes meet with familiar brown ones. My mood instantly brightens and we both smile at each other. "Alex, you're awake..." I breathed.

She smiles and laughs slightly. "Like I would ever leave you."

This was depressing yet relieving. Second to last chapter, everyone! *cries* I don't want it to end... D: