Deku-Centric One-shots

All My Lies On A Burning Pile

All My Lies On A Burning Pile
Burning Pile by Mother Mother
Depression, abuse of drugs, self harm, actively denying help, mental health problems, chronic pain, implied insomnia, implied eating disorder (not super extreme), scars

(_•_)

I wasn't even upset. I was just in lunch period and went "hey, let's do THIS" and here it is. Like Yesterday (Was A Lie) this is more of an abstract style of writing. There's no real dialogue, or actions.

It's mostly me being angsty and only slightly self projecting even though I wasn't even mildly upset.

Also, I had sushi today. Very filling. 10/10. I have overdue homework.

On with the shit show!

(_•_)

Izuku is on fire. Not literally, although it might be better than this. He can't think straight, can't even walk straight.

He's a liar.

Izuku doesn't mean to lie to Uraraka, when she's the first to ask. When she asks how his day has been going, he says it's been fine. It hasn't. He's been swept up in misery and exhaustion, fighting just to finish a worksheet he's sure he failed.

When she asks if he's okay, that he looks tired, he waves it off and says he only has a small headache.

He lies the rest of the day when someone asks if he's okay, what he wants, if he cares to hang out.

He doesn't mean to lie to Iida. The boy just wants to know what Izuku is doing, laying on a roof in the rain at six in the morning.

Izuku responds with, "I wanted to watch the sunrise. I haven't been able to sleep tonight," when he had in fact been up to stare blankly ahead and fuck up his already fucked up wrists.

Iida takes his words at face value; why wouldn't he? He invites Izuku to join him in his morning jog after a light berating of the importance of proper sleep, and Izuku says yes. He doesn't want to go running, or sleep, or eat a proper meal. He wants to stay on the roof.

But he doesn't want to disappoint Iida even more.

So he says yes and goes to class more tired than before.

He doesn't mean to lie to Aizawa-sensei about why he's tired and can't focus. It slips out anyway. He just tells Aizawa he hadn't gotten a good night's sleep. Which no, isn't exactly a lie, but it's not the truth.

Izuku feels so inexplicably heavy he has to pour effort into the simplest of tasks. His stomach growls but he isn't hungry. His eyes droop but he isn't tired. His hands ache but he keeps them moving anyway, popping and cracking.

When Aizawa asks him if he wants to spend lunch in the classroom instead, saying how the loud cafeteria will give him a headache, Izuku says no. He lies.

Again.

Izuku doesn't want to be in the cafeteria; but his friends do. So he does.

And comes away with a pounding head and the need to throw up.

Izuku doesn't mean to lie to All Might. He doesn't mean to say, "I just have a lot of homework to do tonight, sorry I'm zoning out," when he doesn't have any homework whatsoever and is zoning out because his brain is mush and he's too heavy to say a thing.

Izuku doesn't mean to lie to Todoroki, when the dual-haired boy asks if he's alright. He doesn't mean to throw on a too-big beaming smile and nod energetically and say that yes, he's doing great.

Izuku wants to curl into a ball of blankets and block everything out.

Izuku doesn't mean to lie.

But once it's started, it doesn't stop. He lies about the heaviness. The lack of sleep. The disgust toward food. The destruction of his already scarred arms. The new scars on his thighs, even though no, Kirishima, you didn't nail me there yesterday during sparring.

He lies about sitting on rooftops and standing at the very edge and waiting for a gust of wind to blow him over the edge and let him forget about his quirk. He lies about having homework, about using it as an excuse to run away.

He lies to his mother about the workload, about how he's doing in school. He lies to Recovery Girl about the chronic pain. He lies to Hound Dog, when Aizawa-sensei gets fed up and sends him, about the anxiety and depression he hasn't been diagnosed with other than a few quizzes because doctors wouldn't care for a quirkless kid's depression.

He lies to Midnight-sensei when they talk about quirklessness in class.

He lies.

And lies.

And lies some more.

Every single lie burns and leaves a rotten, sulfur taste on his tongue, a black writhing pit in his stomach. It hurts, it feels like he's on fire, and yet he continues.

And soon everything that comes out his mouth is a boldfaced lie in the face of 'are you alright's and 'do you want a snack? You haven't eaten all day's and 'how about you take a nap, those eye bags are savage's.

Izuku is a liar.

But lying makes everyone happy.

And that's the problem, isn't it? That his lies make them smile and nod and go 'if you say so' and laugh and continue on with their day without a care.

Lying makes everyone around him happy.

So Izuku lies to Aizawa-sensei and All Might when they finally corner him and question him and refer him to Hound Dog. He smiles and lies in the face of "Problem Child, you're obviously not alright" and "My boy, please, you haven't slept in days, have barely eaten" and never says a word.

Not about how heavy he is. Not about how tired he is. Not about how slow and sluggish he is.

Because Midoriya Izuku is a liar.

His soul feels like it's on fire.

(_•_)

I should probably stop with the overly angsty abstract one-shots. There's literally no reason for them.

That being said, I will not stop.

Wrote most of this in like, an hour at school. H a.

I am a G O D .

Anyhow, adios, my guys, gals, and non-binary pals!

1038 words!

Next Up:

Killer In The Mirror